Newsday TV Book, December 31-Jan 6, 1972.

Jumping back to the last day of 1972, and the only issue I haven't covered from that year (beginning with the first one in April), so that's pretty excitin'!

Guy Lombardo graces the cover, naturally, as he was the ambassador (along with the Royal Canadians of his orchestra) of the New Year going back to a holiday soiree at the Roosevelt Hotel in 1929.

In TV Line, someone from Syosset (yes, non-Long Islanders, that's a real place) wants to know how Lance Rentzel's poem goes. (Btw, if you're interested in reading his book to hear his side of the story about exposing himself to two young girls from his car—consequently losing wife Joey Heatherton in the bargain—as I recall it's in one measly paragraph near the end and there's not much to it. There, I just saved you from reading a book by a pedo who played football.)

Here's the story to go with the cover, and a Gary Viskupic illustration which encompasses Three Dog Night in one guy. So one is not all that lonely of a number after all!

My computer is being persnickety, so I'm just gonna throw all my scans up here and we'll see if I get back so I can add my usual snarky observations. If not, you're welcome. Happy New Year!

And just because I though it would cool all together:

Newsday TV Book, December 25-31, 1977.

Merry Christmas! And I'm only a day late! Well, for Christmas, anyway--this is the entire week spanning Christmas to New Year's Eve after all, so it was still a pretty darn festive time. As usual at this time of year, I only have so much time to upload these (how the hell do people with kids get anything done?!?), so I'll just post now and fill in the wisecrackery later.
[Later: Done.]

This beautiful Disney cover is the first of its kind in my collection, with quite a few more unique illustrations gracing later yuletide issues as well. (Looks like Gary Viskupic had the week off.)

In the TV Line, there's a lot about tape vs. film, a little about Ann-Margret's parental status, and Louise Laser [sic].

In Cable TV Highlights, Cinema 100 dropped the cable premiere of Rocky at forty minutes past midnight on New Year's Eve, so lots of Huntington-area partiers probably caught the first half or so before passing out. Alternatively, you could have tuned in to HBO for a little Shecky Greene. As TV Book reviewer John Cashman might have said, "Go to sleep."

Here's all of Christmas Sunday, with holiday programming denoted with an X by the mature Non-Parader, because it was precisely the kind of thing the wee Non-Parader would have done. There are ads for hypnosis and hair transplants, one with the Noseless Preggo, and gift ideas from Ed's Tropical Aquariums, where the usual ten-gallon starter set was now the "Christmas Starter Set."
At 3:45am you could have tuned in The First Estate, WNBC's newsmagazine about religion, and I will now save you from having to "see 9:30 AM for details." The details are as follows: "Christmas."

Monday night, with the premiere of a Kurt Russell TV movie I only remember by its re-title: The Christmas Coal Mine Miracle. For film fans it was Spielberg or Fields in the late hours, with Joe Franklin a dark, combed-over horse.

Here's Wednesday night, with a close-up on Great Performances and the intriguing and oddly acrobatic Pilobolus Dance Theatre.

A few years later, another Pilobolus special had a work called "Molly's Not Dead" that my buddy Mike and I would re-enact ourselves in the schoolyard. It wasn't the dancing part so much just the bit where one performer carried another in his arms and said toward the audience, "Pa? Molly's dead. She ate some leaves." And then, as in the show, I'd walk around singing, "Oh, Molly's not dead... she's only a-sleepin'..." with Mike limp in my arms like a sack of dog food (except lighter). I recall this peculiar presentation occurring in winter months, when we St. Pius X students were forced to have recess in the front parking lot, running around on asphalt. One time my mom was at the school, doing whatever school moms did, and she happened to see this. She later said to me, sternly, "His father just died, that's all his poor mother needs is for you to drop him on his head in the parking lot. Don't do that anymore!" But, as I recall, I did it again, just being extra careful not to drop him on his head, although I'm sure there were plenty other instances of way more injurious horseplay happening all the time. Seriously, when I carried Mike around, there's a fair chance I didn't then set him down so much as stuffed him into the vault-like St. Vincent de Paul donation receptacle, a metal crypt that could house a dozen nerds somewhat comfortably. (Unless they were pudgy nerds like myself.)

Here's Friday late night, plus all of New Year's Eve Saturday, when I remember catching some of Die Fledermaus on WNEW 5 with my mom, and then later we watched Yellow Submarine. She fell asleep, so I got to stay up pretty late that night, and for whatever reason--a presaging of my later obsession with NYC-area television advertising, perhaps?--I distinctly remember seeing the Crazy Eddie boys' room doo-wop commercial. Weird, the things we remember...

Finally, some of the Quick Guide, with Saturday's movies and the week's sports and specials (which, strangely, omits any New Year's Eve-related shows).

That's it, that's the five-week NTVB run to bring 1977 to a close! But you can bet your plum pudding
that I'll be back with more nonsense soon--maybe even before next year!

One More Thing!
I just remembered I have this photo of me and Mike, taken a few years after the recess Pilobolus imitations (and on the grass of the back field). He hadn't eaten leaves, but I may have stuffed some down the back of his shirt. Yeah, yeah, I was a dick...

Newsday TV Book, December 18-24, 1977.

As I sit down to write this, the solstice is due in about an hour, and then on Friday morning the area is allegedly in for a hammering of rain-to-ice-to-snow in quick succession. Temps will plunge, winds will bellow, and last-minute shoppers will curse the loss of the two whole damn days before Christmas for their traditional urgent mall meandering, with the occasional breaks for an Orange Julius, a Pretzel Schmetzel, and the indigestion special #8 at Happy Super Dragon Wok. (Wait, are malls still a thing?)

“Bring on the blizzard!” I bluster, as I freshen my whiskey slush and tug my Klugmanesque bathrobe a little tighter against the chill in the house, instead of god forbid turning the heat up a degree. Propane doesn't grow on trees, you know! It's made by robots in a factory! You think those robots work for free?

This time out, your Non-Parader is examining the Newsday TV Book for the week leading up to Christmas, 1977. The cover features a Rudolph, but not the one I enjoyed watching on CBS as he endured bullying, hung out with unpopular toys, and ultimately "saved" Christmas (or at least got bullying asshole Santa to do his damn job).

The cover story tells of how, at age 12, Wilma Rudolph took off the leg braces she'd worn all her life, then ran in her first Olympics just four years later. I'm tempted to verify this on Wikipedia, but I trust Bill Kaufman to have the facts.

TV Line tells about Dan Haggerty's beard catching fire (a story which I suspect is straight from a PR flack's imagination) among other riveting topics. Be warned: when you are done reading, there will be a test on the career of Edward Mulhare, with an essay question regarding his devotion to regional theater.

Even way back in 1977, there were cable TV channels helping Long Island viewers to get in the holiday spirit, and Cable TV Highlights furthered that effort by describing their meager offerings. Local stuff like A Huntington Christmas Carol, Made in Italy, and something called "Radio TV-6," wherein some deejays played music for 13 hours. Were they on-camera? Did we get to see them hustle out of the studio during "The 12 Days of Christmas" to take a leak?

As they often did in these late-70's TV Books, the Sunday night listings included an ad for Dan Howard's Maternity Factory Outlet, with the noseless preggo looking fine in her holiday gown. It's claimed that the dress is "easy to wear after baby comes," but they probably don't mean immediately. She wore a different outfit in each ad, but her hairstyle (a look I call "Young Adam Rich”) never varied.

As we say on the Island, this is taking fuh-eva. So, as I've done before, I'm gonna just knock these out and will try to add some humorous commentary later. (It usually only takes me a couple of years, with the humor part remaining a subject for debate.)
Here are some Monday pages, with a puzzled Brute, and Viskupic illustrating a film of persuasion.

Thursday's afternoon and evening listings include a rare (if not unique--in my collection anyway) close-up on a WABC 4:30 Movie, with a good(ish) Cashman review of White Christmas that may move my needle toward actually watching the whole thing one o' these days.

Here's all of Friday and Saturday (Christmas Eve). Enjoy!

Check out part of the Quick Guide, showing most of Saturday's movies, plus the week's sports and specials.

I like this ad for Spanish Craft in Bayport, for both its clip art elf and overall random crap-ness.

Nestled all snug in the middle of the TV Book is this "Last Minute Holiday Guide" to a bunch of Newsday advertisers, which you’ll find is also an exercise in randomness (and sometimes apparent crappiness).

Among the gift suggestions, there was some fine(ish) dining, including--woot woot! Plainview alert!--Camelot in the Pickwick Motor Lodge, where New Year's Eve was a no-no! Ah, verily it was a romantic, magical Arthurian realm, located on the Service Road off exit 48!

Finally (finally!), the Crosswords and some more (and always welcome) holiday clip art.

Merry Solstice!
There’s one more issue in this consecutive series, so I will return soon, with the Post of Christmas Past!