Sunday, April 30, 2023

Update! McDonaldland Like You've Never Seen It!

Unless, of course, you've seen those original 70's commercials of which I've written before, in a preposterously pedantic post about a compilation of them I have in my nutty nostalgia collection. But now I've delved back into that nine-year-old post and added screenshots!

Marvel at the evolution of Ronald's 'fro!
Gaze adoringly upon the revolting countenances of the fast-food fantasyland's natives!
See... well, a bunch of grainy pics of stupid stuff taken from already-ancient film stock.
It's fun!

Click the link below my rendition of the horrifying Hamburglar!

See it all RIGHT HERE!!!

Tuesday, April 18, 2023

The Long Island Guide: Newsday Special Section, May 20th, 1979.

I recently acquired an interesting artifact for my nostalgia collection: a supplemental section that came with the Sunday Newsday of May 20th, 1979 called The Long Island Guide, with the subtitle Things to do and places to go. For many years, I've tried in vain to find a Yellow Pages telephone directory for my hometown from back in the day, or even a local "Pennysaver" ad circular with familiar businesses of my childhood era listed. When I happened upon the LI Guide, completely by chance in a not-overly-descriptive-or-illustrative eBay auction, I had no idea I'd be getting the next best thing.

As laid out in the index (see page 2), it's a directory of the Island's Culture, Events, Historical Sites, Points of Interest, and Sports and Recreation. Not only does it feature many photographs, but the advertisements run the gamut of these topics and more. So without further ado, here is the entirety of the Guide, with my own descriptions (for easier searching) and allegedly amusing commentary, plus occasional pertinent links to my very own YouTube channel of vintage video, "Hugo Faces." (Click on pics to enlarge and clarify.)

The Index page gives sole credit to Carolyn Schaeffer as the researcher (she was much better at it than I am, as I couldn't find out a thing about her), and features an ad for Hargrave Vineyard in Cutchogue on the North Fork.
Page 3: A color Macy's ad.
The introductory article, "Come and Explore Long Island," was written by Sidney C. Schaer, a Newsday staff writer who, in 1997, would be among those recognized with a Pulitzer Prize (in "Spot News Reporting") for the paper's coverage of the crash of TWA's Flight 800.
The third page of the article features a photo taken at one of my favorite spots in my often-hyphenated hometown of Plainview-Old Bethpage, the Village Restoration.
Page 7: Harrow's had the year covered in two seasons: pool and Christmas.
Here are two pages for Milleridge Inn & Milleridge Village in Jericho. (Here’s their 70’s commercial, as I posted it in a nostalgia group on Facebook…)
Page 10: Georgetown Manor, the largest Ethan Allen Gallery in the Northeast (it says here).
Page 11: CULTURE section, to page 24 (Art galleries, concert halls and live theater, dance companies, museums, orchestras and chamber groups).
Page 12: Record World and the Record Shops at TSS--"We've Got the Music!"
Page 13: Alfonse D'Amato addresses his friend about the fun to be had in the Town of Hempstead. (As of this writing, Al was the last Republican to represent New York in the U.S. Senate, having left office in January of 1999.)
Page 14: Arthur Murray Dance Studio offered "Touch Disco" lessons, with a partner or... without? Pretty sure you could get hauled in for indecency doing that.
Page 15: The Long Island Lighting Company (LILCO) touts the Island culcha.
Pages 16-17: The Music Market in East Meadow, of which I have no recollection.
Page 18: The Music Man at the Jones Beach Theatre (for the Jones Beach State Park's 50th anniversary).
Page 19: More dancing with P/J's Dance Charisma in Bethpage, and more old-timey thrills at the Old Bethpage Village Restoration.
Page 20: Berkowits School of Electrolysis (depicting a presumably de-furred lady), and Southampton College by the Sea (with “Renaissance Music Notation”).
Page 21: The beauty of stained glass at Naked Lite Studios, Inc.
Page 22: Gordon Schlaefer Furniture in Port Washington.
Page 23: Town of Huntington Supervisor Kenneth C. Butterfield promises a community for all ages, and Plainview's Moods in Floors promises the largest ceramic and quarry showrooms.
Page 24: The FOR CHILDREN section begins, plus Farmingdale's vocal coach to the stars Perry Ames, and North Babylon's Charisma Shop for your many doll house needs.
Page 25: Gimbels loved Long Island, plus a photo taken at another of my favorite places as a kid, the Vanderbilt Planetarium in Centerport.
Page 26: The EVENTS section (annual, special) begins, to page 31.
Page 27: Rose Jewelers.
Page 28: Genovese, a real drug store and a whole lot more! Just ask William B. Williams!
Page 29: More from Rose Jewelers.
Page 30: The Nassau Veterans Memorial Coliseum in Uniondale (where one may have seen The Snorks on ice a few years later).
Page 31: The beginning of the HISTORICAL SITES section (churches, general, grist mills, complexes, houses), to page 51. Rose Jewelers, you're starting to overstay your welcome.
Pages 32-33: Thrift-Pak meat service delivers a full-color ad. Well... mostly just red.
Page 34: Colonial Shoppes furniture is not done justice in a tiny black-and-white drawing, so check it out in an old Newsday TV Book ad HERE! And HERE! And--holy Herculon, Minuteman--HERE!
Page 35: A stretch of restaurant ads begins here, "Fine dining at it's [sic] best!" Old Gerlich's in Glen Head, Frisco Wharf at Woodbury, Stella Ristorante in Floral Park, Kelly's Steak House in Hicksville, and Ben's Kosher Delicatessen in Baldwin.
Page 36: The Dining Car 1890 in East Setauket.
Page 37: Colonie Hill (and Maxfields) in Hauppauge.
Page 38: Villa Parma East in Huntington (Melville?), Peking Palace in Merrick, Mimmo's of Westbury (the Sal Martin Duo!), Italian Landmark in Copiague... and then some wiseguy put the ad for Woman's Corner of Merrick (fashions for "the fuller figure") right smack in the middle! Not cool, Newsday!
Page 39: Savini's Crystalbrook Caterers of East Meadow.
Page 40: Burt Bacharach's Restaurant/East Norwich Motor Inn, Camelot at the Pickwick Motor Lodge in Plainview, and Musicaro's in Melville (with the Big Band of Massapequa and the Coins!).
Page 41: Villa  Victor in Syosset, Bronco Charlie's in Oakdale.
Page 42: Francesco's of Bethpage, Mill Creek Inn between Southold and Greenport, BackBarn in Bethpage and Valley Stream (for "crepes, fondues, and other delights"), and Wine Gallery Restaurant in East Massapequa and East Meadow.
Page 43: A page of "Freeport's fabulous dining and seafood," with Salty Bay, Barrows Waters Edge, the Schooner, Harbor View, Rossini Ristorante, Apache II, Taormina, Midship, and the Tides Inn (clever, that one).
Page 44: The Island Squire in Middle Island, Fung Young House in Brentwood, Third Voyage Supper Club (with your hosts Joe & Bev Scalici, and entertainment host "Martino") in Farmingdale, and Slaggers in St. James. Also note the Village Restoration listing (I swear I won't mention it again).
Page 45: Driftwood Inn in Port Jefferson Station, City Limits in Merrick (ask for Miss Ruth), and the Famous Glynn's Inn Ltd. of Huntington.
Page 46: A verbose ad from Do You Remember When? in Bellmore, the New Twelve Arches in Jericho, La Romantica on the Lake in Copiague, and the Marcpiere in Melville.
Page 47: Finally, a place I actually remember eating at--Red Lobster!
Page 48: Nine Doors Restaurant in Port Jefferson, Raisins Restaurant in Woodbury, and "your complete baby shop," Baby Comfort... somewhere.
Page 49: Frigorific HVAC, Arena Players Repertory Company of Farmingdale's summer '79 schedule, National Fireplace Company in Patchogue, Glass Crafters of Great Neck, and Worth Leather in Farmingdale.
Page 50: Pinelawn Memorial Park in Farmingdale, the perfect setting for a creepy picnic.
Page 51: Brook Lighting, Nahas Rug Co., and Walt Whitman's crib.
Page 52: The POINTS OF INTEREST (airports, ferries, flea markets, gardens and arboretums, nature preserves, Long Island Railroad tours, misc.) section runs to page 62. Long Island MacArthur Airport in Ronkonkoma, Transport Limousine.
Page 53: LI Airports Limousine Service of Hauppauge, Northville Industries Corp. of Melville.
Page 54: The National Seashore Ferry Inc. of Bayport wants you to visit the Sunken Forest at Sailor's Haven on Fire Island, leaving from Sayville. (I think.) Or avoid the Throg's Neck bottleneck with the Port Jefferson Bridgeport Ferry. Either way it's a mouthful!
Page 55: A full page for "Port Jefferson, the Harbor Town" with ads for Clockworks, Port Hobby Shop, Sea Creations, Mac Snyder's Army & Navy Store (and proprietors Harvey and Lois Brager), Original Schooner Restaurant, and the Camera Clique.
Page 56: The Nassau Farmers Market! I loved this place growing up, with the merry-go-round and the kiddie movie area, barrels of pickles and boxes of Pennsylvania Dutch cookies. I was almost as excited to find this ad as I was to discover their 80's commercial on an old VHS tape!
Page 57: Barterama Flea Market at Aqueduct Raceway, the Hewlett School of East Islip, Curiosity Gift Boutique of Stony Brook, and Farmingdale's Airport Flea Market.
Page 58: Roosevelt Field Shopping Center in Garden City...
...and then a full page of Roosevelt Field stores, including Tall Step Shoes, Country Kitchen, Merle Norman, Stardust Gifts, and About Faces beauty services.
Page 60: Jericho Cider Mill (Live Happley Appley! And it's still there!), Doral Refining Corp. of Freeport, and old guys havin cawfee on the LIRR.
Page 61: Aw, yeah! My local amusement park, Adventureland in Farmingdale! Great memories of playing Fascination (a cross between skee-ball and bingo) in the arcade with my mom, winning tickets for crap prizes (a plastic King Kong bank, a squishy Ziggy-looking guy--a la Stretch Armstrong--who later split his rubber skin and leaked sticky purple jelly all over my LP collection). Good clean fun!
Just for my own amusement (see what I did there?), I edited the mascot and name together.
Page 62: SPORTS AND RECREATION (see page 2 for specific interests, I ain't got all damn day) to end, plus ad for Milex Car Care.
Page 63: I never went to the Islip Speedway, but I wish I had because this is a pretty boss-looking ad! Demolition derby, the Suffolk County Fair (with the Harmonica Rascals, the Jack Kochman Thrill Show, clowns Banans [sic] and Bongo, illusionist Billy Daman, and best of all... rabbit show!), Progresso Spaghetti Festival (I got heartburn just typing that), Figure 8 stock car racing--yee-haw! Smash 'em up! Do Long Island rednecks know how to party or what?
Centerfold, pages 64-65: here's a neat Long Island Tourism Commission spread, highlighting "Spring Fever" and "Fishing Fun" tours, with a cool cartoon map including the you-know-what in Old Bethpage...
Here's that map by itself...
...and here's my own contribution, to correct a glaring omission...
Page 66: Tiny Treasures in Bay Shore's South Shore Mall, for hummels and figurines and crap.
Page 67: At Hauppauge's M.L.U. Furniture, oak was in (but they hadn't forgotten you pine buffs).
Page 68: Motobecane, "France's finest touring machine," was available at a host of quality bicycle shops across the Island.
Page 69: More bikes, plus the laser light show "Eye See the Light" at the Vanderbilt Museum and Planetarium. I imagine a print ad wouldn't do it justice, but this one is especially underwhelming.
Pages 70-71: A two-page spread of camper and RV ads.
Pages 72-73: Another spread, this one for the "LI Motel & Hotel Directory"
(including the infamous Commack Motor Inn!).
Page 74: A small ad for the Town of North Hempstead.
Page 75: Boats to buy or charter.
Pages 76-77: A dull spread for Suffolk County Federal Savings.
Page 78: Just boating listings, plus a photo by William J. Senft Jr. of a guy launching his dinghy.
Page 79: A page strangely titled "Pictorial Highlights of Long Island" is really just an ad for Southold's unappetizingly-named Seafood Barge, complete with review by longtime Newsday food critic Barbara Rader, among others.
Page 80: 4 Guys (not to be confused with Two Guys) in Farmingdale.
Page 81: Why do I have a feeling that "Fantasy Island Day" at Lynbrook's Camp Tanglewood involved a white-suited counselor kneeling on his shoes and unabashedly bleating "De plen! De plen!"
Page 82: The men and boys of Melville looked spiffy after visiting Tony Dee Haircutters, as any customer of Eye-Deal Optical's various locations could see.
Page 83: The golf section begins, and Nassau-Suffolk Swimming Pools was taking appointments.
Page 84: Newsday events included a regatta, a marathon, a Teen Talent Contest, and a Marching Band Festival. Or you could just read about them afterward. Maybe not even that.
Page 85: The wonderful world of TSS Sports Centers is advertised, not long for this world at this point. It stood for Times Square Stores, later known as TSS Seedman's (as seen in this commercial, and this one). Another ten years and the chain was gone, bankrupt after 60 years in business.
Page 86: More pre-revolutionary furnishings courtesy Pappalardo's Colonial Shop in Huntington.
Page 87: Judy Rankin is seen winning the previous year's WUI Classic, "Long Island's own LPGA event." In '79, the Western Union International-sponsored affair was held at the Meadow Brook Club in Jericho, August 6-12.
Page 88: Hiking and horseback riding entries are alongside ads for Budget Auto Maintenance Club and  Appleblossom Photography, which exhorted those with impending nuptials "DON'T GET MARRIED!" (until they got their freebie 8x10, that is).
Page 89: The municipally owned and operated Freeport Recreation Center offered cheap "spa" services for the whole family, while Westbury's Orshan Educational Services could assist with preparatory tests of various acronyms.
Page 90: Something was always happening at Roosevelt Raceway, "the excitement capital of Long Island." (Wait, so it wasn't the Old Bethpage Village Restoration?)
Page 91: Belmont Park (in Elmont) offers a summer spent picnicking on the grass and strolling in the shade, because it's, you know, a park.
Page 92: Porch & Patio Furnitureland created outdoor pieces out of PVC pipe, which a quick internet search tells me is still a thing.
Page 93: I totally remember Carls Fencing in Bethpage, corner of Hicksville Road and Stewart Avenue. Never bought anything there, as I was still a teenager, but friends and I cruised the area regularly in a Firebird, lightly buzzed and blaring The Cult, hoping girls might look at us. During this futile pursuit, I definitely recall a place on a corner that was very well-fenced.
Page 94: Home Comfort Warming Center in Centereach had your West German ceramic tile stove needs covered. Eisenhower Park is listed, although I don't see their rudimentary museum of local history mentioned. There was an exhibit that fascinated me, which displayed metal cages that were placed over the head and arms of criminals, who were then hung from a hook using the loop at the top of the head cage. I'd stare at them and wonder how many people were agonizingly suspended until death in their wrought iron clutches. At some point, I decided that I myself, in a previous life, may have been punished in such a fashion, which was why I couldn't stand having anything confining or restrictive on my upper person, like ties or watches. (I soon wisely rejected this supernatural bullshit notion and just accepted that I simply prefer not being uncomfortable.)
EDIT! It's called gibbeting, and this Wikipedia page includes an illustration of Captain Kidd hanged in such a fashion which looks something like the less-detailed one I remember from the display. I can't find a photo of the cages as I recall them, however, and I can't find any mention of such macabre objects being exhibited at Eisenhower Park, so let's call that a disclaimer for my possibly less-than-pristine memory.
Page 95: Westrock Beef: The House of Prime. And a Free Cup of Coffee.
Page 96: Speaking of magical nonsense (meaning my reincarnation fantasy, not Westrock Beef's complimentary beverage), Richmond Hill Savings Bank used astrological symbols to imply that your zodiac sign is somehow related to their financial services. I'm going to bet that they rarely told a customer "Oh, you're a Pisces? You should probably go to County Federal."
Page 97: A not-exactly-full-page color ad for United Ceramic Tile.
Page 98: I have boated in Belmont Lake State Park, I have seen the Mets play the Expos at Shea, but I have not bathed in a Nu-Glaze tub in West Babylon nor sat on Bennington Pine from Zimmerman's Ox-Bow in Lindenhurst.
Page 99: The Boardwalk Restaurant swing's [sic] all year long at Jones Beach--or it swung, anyway, as it was torn down in 2004.
Page 100: This ad for Nassau Mall looked pretty dull to me, until I looked at the location, thought about it a second and realized... Heroes World! During the brief-but-expensive (for my parents) period that I was into comic books (1979-1981), Heroes World and my local Plainview shop (The Batcave on Old Country Road, sharing the building with the aromatic Regal Deli) were my absolute favorite places to spend time. (Along with the P-OB Library--nerd!) I could peruse those aisles for hours looking at all the comics, posters, toys, etc., until the day inevitably arrived when--as I did with Saturday morning cartoons in '79 and Star Wars in '82--I came to the conclusion that I was too damn old to be into this crap and shut it down like turning off a gushing faucet. But it was fun while it lasted...
Page 101: Another bank ad, whoop-de-doo, this one for  Roosevelt Savings.
Page 102: Racquetball at North Hollow Hills and Blue Point, as demonstrated by a Native American with Veronica Lake's hairdo.
Page 103: A motley group of ads, for Royal Racquetball of Selden, Barbizon in Babylon (where you could study to be a fashion merchandiser or just look like one), and Crown Tile of Massapequa Park, bemoaning all these other farchadat tile purveyors.
Page 104: More randomness, with Escapes Disco Spa and Health Club in... somewhere, Diver's Way in Bay Shore, Ambo Business Furniture in Deer Park, and Tiffany Lenard Dinettes in Huntington Station.
Page 105: Rapco Foam by Long Island Central Systems in Syosset.
Page 106: Northport Skateboard Park, and Tire Care Centers of Patchogue. (Can you tell I'm trying to just blow through these last pages? This is takin fuh-evah!)
Page 107: Sportsman Trading Posts of America.
Page 108: Audio Exchange at Roosevelt Field, zzzzzz.
Page 109: Union Savings Bank, ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
Page 110: Match Point Racquet Club in Commack.
Page 111: The Printing Factory in East Farmingdale.
This is what a dipshit I am: I scanned this in black & white, then realized it's in color (well, yellow, anyway). I thought, do I really need to redo this, could anyone possibly care? Then I thought, well, I'm sure The Printing Factory paid extra for it forty-four years ago, so...
Page 112: Suffolk County Center for Hypnosis, with a gal who, I guess, just took a good look at herself?
Page 113: There's Solid Gold at Miller's Mint in Patchogue. (Btw, the link provided is totally farcical.)
Page 114: The Sidney Petrie method employed at the New York Institute for Hypnotherapy is at work in this ad, in the sense that if you attempt to read it, you will fall into a deep, deep sleep.
Page 115: Firestone Tires and Service. Lots o' places.
Page 116: A buncha Holbrook businesses, as presented by the Chamber of Commerce, including Dastori Deli (as in "Dat's Dastori"?), Nuts 'N' Stuff, and the Nick Ulrich Fine Arts Academy (with magic instruction).
Page 117: An oddly-situated map of the Island shows an Eastern Savings Bank location in Plainview--woot woot!
Page 118: Quick's Photo in Bellmore.
Page 119: Another mixed bag: Crib Set in Setauket, Quest Improvement in Massapequa, and The Supply Room Teachers Store in--that's right, woot woot!--Plainview.
Page 120: The Long Island Game Farm gets a crudely drawn, crummy little ad, which is unfortunate since it's another favorite spot from my childhood. Plus, Together Dating Service, and Dish-Count House (oy, you call that a pun?) for doll houses and accessories.
Page 121: Atlantic System (?) car dealers.
Page 122-126: More car dealerships and so forth, not that interesting to me, though the L.I.O.N. (Long Island Oldsmobile Network) one at the end is pretty cool.
Page 127: Have more fun in bed with Kleinsleep... Oh, wait, this is for Citibank.
And FINALLY! Last and certainly not least (although it's not exactly a barnburner, even in color), Abraham & Strauss, where the treasures of the Island weren't hidden, at least until 1994 when the brand was eliminated.
Please leave a comment, even if it's just to tell me that my smart-mouthed wisecrackery at the expense of Long Islanders is not appreciated!