Monday, October 02, 2017

Newsday TV Books, October 1973.

No, I'm not trying to scare you, I'm jeering at the calendar! August always crawls by--even the mild ones like we just had--and then, as we ease into my preferred half of the year, September zips along like a skateboarder all hopped up on C&C Cola and Cosmic Candy! (I know, I know, with the 70's nostalgia, plus the alliteration, it's too much.)

"The Dark Seasons," I call them, never out loud and, in fact, never at all because I just made it up. Autumn and Winter, which I will capitalize now because I don't feel like looking up whether you're supposed to or not for the eight-thousandth time in my life. Just kidding, I totally looked it up, and I'm capitalizing them anyway.

I'm not going to rhapsodize about my love of the cold-weather months. I've probably done it somewhere on this blog already, as I've been at it for 61 years. I would dig up appropriate links for ya, but instead I'll just mention that the search function up there is awful handy, custom-made for a man as lazy as me and a real go-getter such as yourself.

But enough of my foofarawin'--on with October!

AAHH!! Geez, Jack Palance wasn't scary enough, they had to go and slap fangs in his kisser? I'm guessing that whoever put this cover together also did last month's Toma cover. The colors, man. It's like a lesson in graphic design. In 1973. On Long Island.

Palance's puss takes a few shots in Bill Kaufman's article, but what else is new. Jack says he's tired of playing smiling psychopaths, so... he went with Dracula? It was the smiling part he'd had enough of?
Jim Croce turns up in She Lives, Cat Stevens is leukemia-free, and David Frye's career kicks the bucket in this edition of ever-informative TV Line (or as I call it, "Paper Google").
I'm not 100% sure of what Hazeltine does--something involving defense electronics?--but I dig this ad for some reason. They're still around, but now they're a part of BAE Systems, which I believe is run by Pharrell.
Now a bunch of ads spotlighting sales that are allegedly Columbus Day-related, with Chris being portrayed by Jamey Sheridan.
Tuesday's late schedule highlights the premiere of Shaft with a simple Gary Viskupic drawing to go with it. (His head is a gun?)
Here's Thursday afternoon, but more importantly, a different Hicks ad for their animatronic Halloween display, one I may have visited at four-and-a-half years old.
The Thursday late schedule includes a close-up on a CBS Reports about the severe autism of a boy named Terry Egan. I can't find anything about him online, so I would rather just stop looking and assume that, at some point, he became an actor, changed his name to Ethan Hawke and everything after that went about as well as you could hope.
Friday night's counter-programming pitted Palance's Dracula against Fell and Nye. Dammit, TV, why must you be so good?
The "Retarded Children's Telethon" (the Association for the Help of Retarded Children, that is) offers a celeb roster now well-suited for playing "Alive or Dead?" That is, until you reach Enzo Stuarti. I want to say I remember him. (I don't.)
This yellow eye-catcher of a bank ad is on the back of every guide this month, so let's quickly try to read it, zone out completely within two seconds and move along.
The following week showcases The Girl with Something Extra. No, I'm not going to make a Caitlyn Jenner joke, you churl!
Strangely, much of the Bill Kaufman interview focuses on her character's sexuality.
Aunt Bluebell a.k.a. Olive Oyl, Garden City Greek Telly Savalas, and Muppet-esque Mason Reese are among those queried about in the TV Line. There's a question in there about Bill Bixby too, and the answer mentions his wife, Brenda Benet. A dark road lay ahead...
On Monday, a Peanuts election special pushed out Gunsmoke, nearing the end of its incredible run.
A new Dr. Seuss special followed. Did you know it's pronounced "Soice," rhymes with voice? If you didn't, it's okay, as no one seems to care.
Tom Snyder gets a close-up to mark the debut of his early-morning talk show. Reviewer John Cashman tells you exactly what he thinks of The Girl Hunters without actually saying anything.
Here's the late night sched for Wednesday, with a network showing of The Man Who Could Talk to Kids (If He Weren't Legally Prohibited). I made up the subtitle to see if you were paying attention. You weren't, and aren't.
The Shape of Things looks really mod and wow, but what jumped out at me from this page was Burton Gilliam guesting on Love, American Style. I guessed he'd be a half-goofy, half-menacing rube with a creepy smile. I was mostly wrong.
Saturday evening brought lots of choices, including the introduction of Colonel Steve Austin and a light news piece on black cowboys. (And here I thought Laurence Fishburne was the first!)
More coming soon, I hope, cuz I'm falling behind! (Get it? FALLing? Ah, never mind, here's the next cover, showing the Big Apple inexplicably menaced by a giant Greek egg...)

Sunday, September 03, 2017

Newsday TV Books, September 1973.

 It's September at last! Time for new shows to premiere after a long summer of reheated leftovers. Here's a goofy Sudduth cover to commemorate the occasion, remarking upon the plethora of cop shows debuting this fall. (Two things to remember: Click on pics to enlarge, and "plethora" doesn't mean a lot of something, it means too much of something. Damn, got some learnin' in right off the bat!)
From the TV Line we also learn that Heshimu's real name is Arlington Banks, and the guy in the Iberian Airlines commercial was in fact Joe Silver. Duh.
Now on to the first page detailing the 1973-74 season. Not only did we get Lotsa Luck and Bowling for Dollars (not yet hosted by Larry Kenney), but we got a peek at the new channel originating on Long Island: WSNL 67, which would hit the air before Thanksgiving.
Tom Snyder's Tomorrow, The New Treasure Hunt, and The Magician turned up on Tuesdays, with Orson Welles' Great Mysteries and Love Story on Wednesdays, Toma on Thursdays.
Thursday continued with NBC Follies, then you had Dusty's Trail, Sally Field with ESP, and Lorne Greene as... Griff? Anyone remember that? There's a look at the movies appearing on TV screens too.
Lots o' specials were coming, including a glimpse of what WLIW channel 21 would offer.
I like that this Custom Meats ad features a fairly realistic butcher but a cartoony woman.
If you're gonna have meat, you may as well be adventurous and have some cheese, too. A seven-ounce ball of Danish Fynbo should do nicely!
Finally for this week, I included Friday afternoon's and evening's listings not only for the stellar Mike Douglas panel, but there were also two Saturday morning preview specials and Weird Harold getting one of his own.
Diana Rigg is the first face from a new show to grace the cover. It's good they got her early--Diana only lasted 'til January.
Lots of info in this TV Line: Bloody Osmonds; Watergate nixed Cat Stevens; Runaround ran aground; and Mason Reese became a household name with just one mispronunciation.
Diana learned American humor, no doubt at the esteemed tutelage of Richard B. Shull (Holmes & Yoyo, Cockfighter).
Here's a close-up on the premieres along with the late Monday listings.
Tuesday brought Chase, along with The Furst Family of Washington and a TV movie that rips off Deliverance, starting with the title.
Sammy presented his Follies.
Premieres aplenty this Friday evening.
Stars shilled for the DNC (with a Gary Viskupic drawing to boot), Frank Lorenzo showed up at Archie Bunker's doorstep, and Plainview's own Ricky Segall warbled on The Partridge Family.
Here's Tony Musante glowering colorfully from the following week's cover.
Topics of TV Line discussion include David Cassidy's chick stand-in, meatless Susan Saint James, and getting Barry Gordon's age wrong (he was twenty-five at the time, not 34).
CBS and NBC advertise their wares.
Lawrence and Gorme were On Stage, and David Susskind reran his classic episode "How to Be a Jewish Son."
For Thursday, Viskupic sketches for Billie Jean and Bobby as well as Bonnie and Clyde.
More Visk and a John Cashman review for Tora! Tora! Tora! That title was the code that began the bombing of Pearl Harbor. "Tora" is the Japanese word for "tiger." (I tell ya, the edumacating never stops around here!)
Viskupic turns up the chills with his Rosemary's Baby pic. Since it can be found elsewhere on this blog, I left in the listings so you can check out the debut of The Starlost. (Click to see it more clearly, looks a bit blurry here.)
The next cover features Bob & Carol & Ted & Alice--the less-naughty TV version, that is.
Cher's jewelry and Judy Graubart's Jewish-American Princess were on the minds of Long Islanders.
Holiday Spa, bringing the ring-a-ding-ding yet again.
This time, there's no "damn chimp" for Anita Gillette to deal with. Maybe if there had been, the show would've lasted more than two months.
Another NBC ad, with Peter Falk and Joe Flynn.
Hicks Nurseries in Westbury set up a haunted house for the kiddies, and channel 11 aired personal favorites The Magic Garden and The Galloping Gourmet. (Nanncy and the Professor?)
Nixon and Skylab wreaked havoc on your Tuesday viewing.
Bob Hope and Alan King cracked wise with Indiana's Jackson Five and Indiana farmers, respectively.
Leave it to Viskupic to make an anthropomorphized cartoon tank creepy as fuck.
Cass Elliot asked that you not call her Mama anymore (and brought her mama with her). The former Ellen Naomi Cohen would leave us before the following August.
Gloria Swanson does her Chaplin bit for Carol Burnett and friends.
As we roll into October, the stars of Roll Out! beam from the cover, not realizing their show was doomed to an early fizzle. Fellow cast members Ed Begley Jr., Garrett Morris and Darrow Igus went on to other projects.
Pre-Bad Ronald Scott Jacoby is inquired about in the TV Line, along with booted Bouton and censored O'Sullivan.
Another NBC premiere ad, with Rock and Susan.
More kicks at hicks, and Bixby prestidigitates.
Jodie Foster helped kick off the second season of the ABC Afterschool Special.
On Wednesday, Capote cavorted with Sonny and Cher.
You can find this ad elsewhere on this blog, but I wasn't about to pass up a chance to repost the very first printing. Unbelievable, indeed.
Last and least, the meaty Macy's back cover will get your mouth a-watering, while Lynn Anderson and a kid that looks like five-year-old me display a freezer-load of goodies. Remember calling collect? Is that still a thing?
The rest of October awaits, come on back!