Sunday, June 22, 2014

McDonaldland Commercials of the Seventies.

(I recently bought a collection of commercials which I had seen floating around the nets for a while. Because it's such a mixed bag, here's an overview, in hopes of being helpful to other collectors.)

     This compilation of McDonaldland-themed commercials is described as being comprised of ads from 1971 to 1978, but while the picture quality is satisfactory and generally quite good, the tiny copyright print is rarely legible. It's about 108 minutes long, but that includes 46 thirty-second versions of minute-long ads, thus creating about 23 minutes of some redundancy for non-collectors. There are also eight repeated ads, constituting another six-and-a-half minutes or so of redundancy. In the middle, oddly, is an utterly unrelated eleven-minute animated promo for Champion Paper (set in the Old West, with folksy voice-over by Pat Buttram)--undeniably entertaining (though filled with offensive "injun" references), but irrelevant nonetheless. Further deducting about six minutes of non-McDonaldland ads (mainly of the "You Deserve a Break Today" campaign), this leaves about 62 minutes of unique commercials involving "Hamburger Clown" Ronald McDonald (amiably portrayed by Robert "Moody" King) and his fantastical pals.
    This comp--origins unknown to me--also includes about seven minutes of an interesting TLC bio of McDonald's and Ray Kroc, but this segment jitters almost to the point of unwatchability. The perhaps-overzealous compiler even included the brief scene from Woody Allen's "Sleeper" which shows a McDonald's hamburgers-sold sign of the future absurdly laden with zeroes. The disc, which I purchased on eBay, ends with a number of neat Quaker cereal ads of the 60's: three Peanut Butter Cap'n Crunch, two Crunchberries, and a widely available Quake/Quisp ad that is otherwise noteworthy for a terrific Quakemobile premium addition--unfortunately, it cuts off before the end.
    Most of the ads show the antics that take place in McDonaldland, with its coterie of peculiar and grotesque characters. Many of the litigiously-Krofftesque oddballs evolve over the seven years of ads represented, with the Hamburglar in particular becoming significantly less repulsive as time goes on. He is introduced with empty eyes and a thin, nightmarish nose that bisects almost his entire face like a pointed blade; gradually, his features soften until he is merely appalling. Ronald begins the series with a shaggy 'fro which he eventually flat-irons. The purple blob Grimace, infamously, starts out as an "evil" doofus with two pairs of arms (although the lower hands, disturbingly, appear more like sunken pouches, leading one to believe he's a relative of the Sumatran Toad) and a loutish, Stepin Fetchit affect ("I's thirsty!"). The countenance of the not-overly-brainy Professor changes several times, but never favorably.
    While most of the action in the commercials is pretty standard physical comedy schtick, there's a surprisingly dry element to many, helped by Ronald's non-goofy voice and frequently deadpan reaction shots. (I love the one where Ronald and some kids implore Captain Crook to smile, and we see their delighted reactions as they watch him and declare, "Hooray,  he did it!" The Captain's cut-back shot, however, reveals the exact same ugly rubber mug as before, with no music cue or sound effect to emphasize the gag.) The various visiting kids, which include 70's kiddie-show mainstays Jodie Foster, Ike Eisenmann and Brad Savage, are a pretty diverse group. One ad (set in the "real world" outside of McDonaldland) even features a Native American pair, rarely seen in my commercial-collecting experience.  There's another ad that's an extended Karaoke sing-along of Ronald's theme, perfect for your next rowdy get-together.
    Among the other notable ads included are quite a few holiday commercials: four Christmas-themed ads (all hawking gift certificates, of course), a Halloween ad (featuring "trick-or-treat safety cuffs," reflective wrist sleeves which came wrapped around your beverage, serving to make any kid's costume into a Wonder Woman hybrid), five patriotic ads (most of which do not specifically mention the Fourth of July, except one ad which touts a faux-vintage copy of the Declaration of Independence, "free" with purchase), two Valentine's Day ads and two "Shamrock Shake" ads, one of which features an actor with the requisite atrocious Irish accent. Some of the patriotic ads feature similarly-dyed shakes: strawberry red, regular vanilla white, and blueberry blue. For Thanksgiving, at least tangentially (the generic intro by Ronald mentions a "holiday show," which would not endear him to Fox News), there's a series of ads which accompanied a McDonald's-sponsored airing of "The Mouse on the Mayflower." Naturally, one of these also suggests fifty-cent gift certificates for Christmas giving, as well as reminding us not to litter. There are other ads devoted to picking up your trash (or "feeding the Wastebaskets," who are anthropomorphized characters in their own right, their lives beyond the commercials quite heart-breaking when imagined further), and several for Ronald's live appearances, with space left at the end for a local voice-over to be added later.
    There are plenty of ads with toys and other limited-time offerings: "Happy Cups," depicting all the characters; bonus coupons (where you "wash off" Ronald's mouth to discover your prize--Please, oh god, please kiddies, use a damp napkin and not your tongue); drink lids that double as flying discs; "Slap-happy" stickers; stencils and jigsaw puzzles; stiff, cuddle-resistant cloth Ronald dolls; a "Happy Box" for storing your various childhood doo-dads that came with a purchase of six (!) apple pies (maybe little Billy can stash his insulin there); a 56-piece travel kit of games and puzzles in its own Happy Box-like carrying case; and my favorite, a meal combo known unappealingly as Captain Crook's "Sea Bag." (I thought for sure that's what the crusty old gob called Mrs. Crook.)
    Overall, an enjoyable collection filled with curiosities, well worth acquiring for the casual nostophile or the completist nutjob. You probably can surmise which category I fall into.

Sunday, January 19, 2014

At last... the Updated Archive. Most of it.

Yeah, it's a work in progress--what isn't? Some entries need more info, and there's more to add. I even hope to get my personal archive up here one day: the home movies, the school notebooks, the kindergarten drawings, even the key to the house I grew up in. In the meantime, here's a surface-scratching of the stuff cluttering up my closets. 

SAUR ARCHIVES
Paper Ephemera:
 

TV Program Listings:
 

--Newsday TV Books, 196 issues, 1972-1985. Came with Sunday Newsday. WANTED: Anything pre-1984.
 

--TV Guides, 351 issues, a few 60's and early 70's, mostly 1974-1983. With a few exceptions, all NYC Metro editions. Includes November 1963 (Portland OR) issue from week of JFK assassination and January 1964 NYC issue describing news coverage of event. WANTED: 1974-1982 NYCM issues.
 

Sears Wish Books: 1976, 77, 79, 81, 83. WANTED: 70's, 80, 82.
 

Newspapers:
 

--Mostly Newsday, New York Daily News, New York Post, 70's-80's. WANTED: Same.
 

--Some NY Times, Oregonian (including complete Bicentennial Sunday Oregonian, Mount St. Helen's coverage).
 

--First ten editions of New York Daily Metro (Rupert Murdoch strike newspaper, 8-9/78).
 

--Also random editons and sections from Long Island (Island Ear, Good Times) and Portland (Willamette Week, surrounding suburb papers.)
 

--May/June 1948 Oregonians and Oregon Journals, coverage of flood that destroyed Vanport during week of Memorial Day. Includes complete Sunday editions of each paper, "Blue Streak" extras, two ultra-rare weekly shoppers.
 

--Archive book of February 1949 Longview (WA) Journal. Complete month, no Sunday editions (but expanded comics in Saturdays).
WANTED: Long Island pennysavers or other LI ephemera. Also Cablevison (HBO) guides from 1981-83.
 

Magazines/Tabloids:
 

--Dynamite (including "Year-Round Catalog of Hot Stuff"), Mad, Cracked, Crazy. (See also Star Wars Collection.) People, Us, Time, Newsweek, National Enquirer, Globe, Weekly World News, Twilight Zone, assorted soap opera/daytime show mags (TV Radio Mirror, etc.), various. 70's-80's.

VIDEO: 

(KEY: Mass Market - MM / DVD - D / VHS - V / Trade - T / eBay - E / Amazon - A)
 

COMMERCIAL COLLECTIONS:
 

--1001 Commercials, MMD, 3 discs, 16 hrs, 50's-70's (some 80's?). Well-categorized, some short promo films, drive-in segments. Widely available, I think this one pretty much encompasses the next two.
 

--Classic Commercials, MMD, 2 discs, almost 4 hours.
 

--Ultimate Collection, MMD, 6 discs, 10+ hours.
 

--100 Pepsi Commercials, MMVE, Video Yesteryear, "Examples of Pepsi Cola Televison Commercials 1946-1984." In two parts, including reel-changing card. About 1:36, with Polly Bergen, Hans Conreid, Harpo Marx, Pele, Clyde Frazier, Oscar Robertson, Keshia Knight-Pulliam. Plus another 26 minutes of ad and TV show outtakes (including Sigmund and the Sea Monsters enjoying a wild-tentacled orgy), spoofs, celebrity ads (Marx Brothers, Three Stooges, Marilyn Monroe, Lucy and Desi, Andy Griffith and Don Knotts, Buster Keaton) and random old ads.
 

--Classic Commercials of the 50's, 60's and 70's, MMDA, about 125 m., produced by GIS. Not exactly "classic," but an interesting selection of ads which are unique, to my knowlege, to this collection.  Includes Andy Griffith cast, Arthur Ashe, Helen Hayes, Jane Wyatt, Florence Henderson, Paul Lynde, Margaret Hamilton, Vivian Vance, Peter Graves, Sherman Hemsley, Bob Cousey, Frank Gifford, Billy Martin, George Steinbrenner, Joe Namath, Kevin Kline, many other familiar faces I could name but, come on, I gotta list every time Barney Phillips or Ed Winter pops up? This DVD, as well as the other GIS titles that follow, is distributed by "Kunaki LLC," and one disc also says "issued by PRS." They're generally well-done, with minimal packaging (although each disc does include an utterly superfluous heavy-stock color insert that just has the cover art on it).
 

--Television Commercials of the 60's and 70's, MMDA, ?m., GIS.
 

--Commercials of the 50's, 60's, and 70's! Volume 2, MMDA, ?M., GIS.
 

--Kid's Commercials of the 50's, 60's and 70's, MMDA, over 2 hrs., also GIS. A number of doubles from other my other collections, but always superior in watchability--like GIS's other collections, these generally appear to be excellent film transfers. Categorized, with some segments less varied than others (for example, the ice cream section has two b/w Borden ads for just about every flavor here: one being a tie-in with the TV show "Fury" and another that's usually an animated Elsie the Cow spot). With Tom Seaver, Jerry Lewis, Bobby Riggs, Roy Rogers, Van Johnson, Edward G. Robinson, Vincent Price, Jeff Conaway, and one game ad with a host of familiar TV faces including Rerun, Pinky Tuscadero, and Marcia Brady (Maureen McCormick) appearing to give Greg (Barry Williams) a handy. Oh, like you never imagined that before!
 

--70's Toy Explosion, created by Plaid Stallions, 58 unique, good quality ads (including a couple from the 80's) with some repeats. This is a 2 disc set on home-burned DVD's, available at their website and eBay. Lots of good stuff on here which I haven't seen elsewhere, including Stretch Armstrong toys, Six Million Dollar Man toys, Barbie, Marvel and DC, Battlestar Galactica, Micronauts, Star Wars, Hot Wheels, Mork toys. Not much in the way of celebrities, unless you count Moosie Drier, Tammy Lauren and Judy "Dyna-Girl" Strangis. And I do.
 

--70's Dimension, MMDA, about an hour of ads plus some peculiar short films relating to and/or comprised of commercials (including one featuring the late Sage Stallone). I actually saw these ads when they were screened at the Guild Theater in Portland. The compilers evidently found the commercial film in the trash and restored it themselves. A few might actually be 60's, but anyway there's lots to enjoy here, including a spot for the ABC Afterschool Special "My Dad Lives in a Downtown Hotel," with Beau Bridges and Ike Eisenmann.
 

--70's Toys, produced by TV Lost and Found (?), VE, 1 hr. Great collection of early 70's toy ads, I'd say 80 or so, with Gnip Gnop, SSP racers, Big Josh, Twirly Birds, Thingmaker, G.I Joe, Battleship, Play Doh, Blythe, a bunch of Aurora Skittle and Schaper (Cootie!) games, and several Barbie ads including a four-minute industry reel for the 1972 line. When making a copy for a friend, I pair this with the next collection...
 

--Mego toys of the 70's, producer unknown, VE, about an hour. Begins with their 1973 industry reel, pretty detailed about marketing strategy and so forth. Early part of video has garbled sound, but if you can ignore that, the quality is very good throughout. Lots of Planet of the Apes, Star Trek, Action Jackson, Marvel and DC superheroes, and King Kong 1976 movie tie-in toys. Also dolls for such varied characters as the Waltons, Our Gang, Wizard of Oz, Starsky and Hutch, KISS, Happy Days, and Muhammad Ali. Has one for a game called "Ball Buster" that cannot possibly be for real.
 

--Star Wars toys, VE, not sure how long. Overall quality is not great, but I added some doubles when I felt I had better quality elsewhere. I also added a number of SW/ESB/RotJ ads whether they were for toys or not, including a SW movie promo, the "Early Bird" set of the first four SW figures, Burger King glasses, etc.
 

--Animated Commercials, unknown producer, VE, 90m. 50's-70's, with some animated show bumps as well. I added another half-hour of cartoon ads to the end.
 

--"Daughter of TV Openings," producer unknown, VE. Show opens, promos, sponsored-bys and so forth for a variety of shows, largely 60's. I was very happy to find it includes the opening to Courageous Cat, which meant I didn't have to seek out the DVD of the show, which I hear is pretty awful. So, for my inane nostalgia purposes, just having the theme will suffice. Unfortunately, I recently watched my DVD burn and found that the sound doesn't transfer on quite a bit of it.


--McDonaldland Commercials of the Seventies, DE, 108m. Read my overview on this very blog here.
 

--Essential Ernest Collection, MMD, has two collections of 80's Jim Varney ads.
 

--Various homemade compilations acquired online, at least 22, generally about two hours apiece, early 70's to mid-eighties. Also a large number of thrift store VHS tapes from which I've made compilations I've traded to a website called 80scommercials.com, don't know if he's made them available.

SHOWS WITH ORIGINAL COMMERCIALS: (P - personal recording)
 

--ABC 25th Anniversary special, 1978. DE
 

--Battle of the Network Stars, editions 6 (?/79, dead air where local spots go), 7 (11/79, WTAE Pittsburgh) and 15 (?/83, Canadian). VE
 

--Benny Hill, MMV, Best of. Does not transfer to DVD.
 

--Dark Shadows, MMV, three episodes with network ads from 5/68, 10/69, 12/69.
 

--Diana! (Diana Ross special), 4/18/71. DE. With Bill Cosby, Jackson 5.
 

--Donny and Marie Show Christmas eps, 1977 and '78, WFAA Dallas. Poor to fair. '78 ep will not transfer to DVD. VE
 

--Drawing Power, 1980, Saturday morning NBC show, MMD (under names such as "Playground Rock" to associate it with Schoolhouse Rock--same artists)
 

--Krofft Superstar Hour, 9/7/78 premiere, no station ID. DE
 

--M*A*S*H, final ep, 2/83 KOIN Portland (CBS), does not transfer to DVD. VE
 

--Match Game, four eps with network ads, '73-74. DT
 

--Merry Motown Christmas, 1987, WNBC New York. P
 

--Miss USA 1979. VE
 

--NBC 50th Anniversary special, 1976, some commercials missing. DE
 

--NFL, Cleveland Browns game, 1/87 WKYC (NBC), 4 hrs. Thrift store find.
 

--Nightlife (David Brenner talk show), 1987, WABC New York, final ep with Howard Stern. P
 

--Open All Night, 2 eps. VT
 

--Rock n' Roll Christmas, 1988, WNYW Fox New York, Dennis Miller. P
 

--Solid Gold Christmas, 1982, WGN. VE (I also recently acquired twenty-four (!) two-hour discs, 1980-87, most with ads--incl. a bunch from WPIX channel 11--which I am in the process of listing...)
 

--Star Wars Holiday Special, 11/17/78, WMAR Baltimore (CBS). Seems to be missing just a bit of the beginning, possibly first commercial break. 2 hrs., which includes several minutes of extra SW commercials I tacked onto the end. VE
 

--WOR (New York) afternoon programming, 11/4/88. Includes most of the Noon news, Cannon, Barnaby Jones, Sweethearts (game show), All-New Dating Game, Love Connection, part of New Newlywed Game. P

SHOWS WITHOUT ORIGINAL COMMERCIALS:
(I only list these to give potential traders an idea of what I'm looking for. Many of these are long out of print VHS.)
 

--All-Star Bloopers, MMV
 

--Astronut (Terrytoons), MMV, 6 cartoons
 

--Bigfoot and Wildboy, MMV, two eps.
 

--Bing Crosby, the Television Specials Volume Two - the Christmas Specials, MMD, 268 m., with shows from 1961, '62, '71 and Der Bingle's last from '77. Also has a '57 Frank Sinatra Show ep, outtakes, a PSA and a tourism film.
 

--Bloopermania, MMV
 

--Bob Hope Ultimate Collection, MMD. Cheapo two-disc set with Christmas shows retrospective.
 

--Bozo cartoons, MMV, 5 cartoons with some live action, doesn't transfer to DVD well.
 

--Captain America, VE, series of the virtually static 60's cartoons. As bad as it is, I wouldn't mind having the Iron Man and Hulk episodes too.
 

--The Carol Burnett Show, "Christmas with Carol," MMD. Two full eps from 1974 and '77, with bonus sketches from '67 and '68.
 

--Casper (and other cartoons), MMD, cheapo paper-sleeve discs
 

--Christmas Eve on Sesame Street, 1978, MMV.
 

--A Christmas Past, MMD, 9 short silent films, 1901-1925, from Kino Video, 121 m.
 

--Chuck Jones' Collection, MMD, includes Rikki-Tikki-Tavi and the Chester the Cricket trilogy.
 

--Davey and Goliath, two MMD, each six eps plus 30 m. holiday special (Christmas, Halloween)
 

--Dean Martin Celebrity Roast, MMV, Frank Sinatra roast. Dino's so drunk he can hardly talk.
 

--Drive-in Cult Classics, MMD, budget set of 32 lousy movies, mostly 70's, some trailers and drive-in extras sprinkled in.
 

--Educational Archives Lunch Box, MMD. 4 discs with many schoolroom (safety, drugs, driver's ed., sex ed. and other social instruction) and workplace training films, 50's-80's. Some extra filmstrips, optional "classroom experience" (added bad sound and video) on some shorts, informative booklets in a binder-style folder and an actual thermos make this a real treasure from Fantoma.
 

--Electric Company, "Best of the Best of" and "Greatest Hit & Bits," MMD
 

--Felix the Cat, MMV
 

--50 Horror Classics, MMD, cheapo set of great old, grainy flicks like I'd watch in the wee hours.
 

--Galloping Gourmet, two volumes I made from 90's Food Network airings.
 

--General Electric Anniversary Special, ?/78, taped from air but ads edited out, DE
 

--Great Space Coaster, MMV, '81
 

--Guinness Book of Worls Records special, '77
 

--Heckle and Jeckle, MMV
 

--Here is the Johnny Carson Show, MMD. Cheapo 2 disc set has non-Tonight Show eps, plus 60's and 70's ads and promos.
 

--High Feather, PBS, 4 eps, does not transfer to DVD.
 

--Holiday Family Favorites, MMD, Mill Creek, 4 disc budget collection of Christmas movies which includes a full disc of 28 shorts and cartoons. These are the ones that frequently turn up as extras on plenty of discs and old VHS comps, so it's a good set to own.
 

--Holiday TV Classics, MMD, Mill Creek, budget 4 disc collection. Includes 49 episodes of 34 different 50's and 60's shows and specials, some of which include commercials. 
 

--Hollywood Without Makeup, MMV, 40's/50's celebs in home movies.
 

--Howdy Doody, various tapes including 70's "Lost Episodes"
 

--Incredible Mel Brooks box set, MMD, includes an ep of When Things Were Rotten, the Get Smart! pilot, plus various 70's commercials, talk show segments, clips from Electric Company and Free to Be You and Me, and other rarely-seen throwbacks.
 

--Inside/Out, PBS, VT, three volumes of 6 eps each, some doesn't transfer well.
 

--Jack LaLanne Commemorative Special, MMD. I got this because I vaguely recall him from my childhood and this says it has commercials. The ads are in the old shows (five on here), with only one show (in color) appearing to be from the 70's.
 

--Little Rascals (Our Gang), MMD, 80 shorts. Also two "Best of Our Gang" MMD with extras.
 

--MTV 20 Pop, MMD, videos from first 20 years of MTV, not many extra goodies.
 

--Magic Garden, MMV bought from their own website, 2 eps.
 

--Match Game, Best of, MMD
 

--Mitch Miller (title?)
 

--Mulligan Stew, PBS, VT
 

--Muppet Show, various eps on MMV
 

--New Zoo Revue, season one, MMD, 79 (!) eps.
 

--Odd Couple, MMD, three seasons
 

--Outerscope I, PBS, compilation of segments from Vegetable Soup, VE. Also has VS open and close, some segments, may constitute an entire episode but not sure.
 

--Puff the Magic Dragon, MMV, '78 special
 

--Quark, MMD, all eight eps, '78
 

--SCTV, 4 box sets, MMD, entire run of NBC's Network 90 eps. I also have a MMV of the Schmenges "Last Polka," personal copies of "I, Martin Short, Goes Hollywood," and some Cinemax stuff.
 

--Saturday Night Live, MMD, first season. Also Best of 1978, MMV.
 

--Schoolhouse Rock, MMD. (I also have some segments on tape, as aired on ABC.)
 

--Sesame Street, "Old School 1969-74," MMD
 

--Simple Gifts, PBS, '78 animated Christmas special, MMVE.
 

--Something Weird Video, assorted titles including "Beauties and Beasts" box set which has the terrific Extra Weird Sampler, tons of trailers and scenes from the most bizarre low-budget movies ever. All titles come replete with fun, peculiar extras.
 

--Howard Stern programs: Many eps of WOR show (a few w/o/c), "New Year's Rotten Eve" (taped off PPV), Underpants Party (PPV), "Butt Bongo Fiesta" MMV, many E! shows and 80's talk show appearances.
 

--Square Pegs, MMD, complete series.
 

--Superfriends, various episodes compiled by some collector, network film and recent off-air.
 

--TVTV Looks at the Oscars, MMV, '76
 

--Tony Orlando and Dawn Ultimate Collection, MMD
 

--Uncle Floyd Show, two volumes, about 4 1/2 hours total. I compiled these as "best ofs" from five VHS tapes which I bought for a friend from Mugsy, a cast member of the show.
 

--Various 60's/70's music shows: BBC Sounds of the Seventies, Beat Beat Beat, Beat Club, Garagemania, Upbeat
 

--Welcome Back, Kotter, MMD, first season
 

--Wonderful World of Disney, '78 Christmas special taped from Disney Channel.
 

--Woody Woodpecker favorites, MMD, 20 cartoons plus 2 full eps of 60's "WW Show."
 

--Zoom, "Best of the 70's," MMV. Has selection of segments, plus every open (cast roll-calls)
 

WANTED: I like to find old, good quality VHS that will transfer to DVD. Anything taped from the New York and Long Island stations with original ads is foremost: WCBS, WNBC, WNEW, WABC, WOR, WPIX, WNET, WLIW, WSNL/WWHT. Among shows I'd like to acquire: Wonderama, Romper Room, Gigglesnort Hotel, 3-2-1 Contact, Mister Rogers' Neighborhood, Big Blue Marble, Villa Alegre, Captain Kangaroo, The Goodies, Patchwork Family, Run Joe Run, Oddball Couple, Big John Little John, Insight, Little Rascals (with TV titles as aired on WNEW), Hodgepodge Lodge, Letter People, Cover to Cover, Joya's Fun School (I've heard that all recordings of this WPIX show were trashed), Magilla Gorilla, Terrytoons' Mighty Mouse (why is this so hard to find?), Hot Fudge, Banana Splits (I only have some taped off Cartoon Network), New Mickey Mouse Club, ABC Afterschool Specials, That's Hollywood, Don Adams' Screen Test, In Search of, Masquerade Party, Joker's Wild, Almost Anything Goes, The Paul Hogan Show, Cross Wits, Sneak Previews, Lucan, San Pedro Beach Bums, The Fitzpatricks, Honeymooners, Don Kirschner's Rock Concert,
 

Also, I'd like movies with original ads (for instance, if a 70's or 80's WNEW airing of Yellow Submarine or a WOR Mad Monster Party showing were to turn up, I want it), NYC/LI local news, network Saturday morning stuff pre-'80 or so, talk shows (Merv, Mike, Cavett, Joe Franklin) and just about anything Christmas.

STAR WARS COLLECTION: Coming soon!

Sunday, December 15, 2013

Christmas Newsday TV Books, 1973 & 1983.

Here's the cover of the Christmas issue of Newsday's TV Book, 1973. Maude's Bill Macy (not Felicity Huffman's Bill Macy) schticks it up with a plaster snowman. Although born Wolf Martin Garber, Macy clearly has no gripe with donning a Santa hat and an extremely gentile sweater. On to a rare double edition of TV Line, with questions about favorite television personalities such as Ed McMahon, Michael Sarrazin, Leonard Whiting, Jack LaLanne, Susan Lucci and various Gibb brothers
Click the pictures for a closer look...
Later Christmas issues featured season's greetings from celebrities and local performers, but this one has an unusual interview with Macy: His holiday wishes for his costars and their characters.
Here are the complete listings for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day.
  
As an added bonus, here's the feature on Joe Franklin. I don't know about you, but I miss having Joe on TV, even if it was nearly impossible to sit through an entire episode.
The 1983 issue continues the Disney cover tradition that began in the mid-seventies, with Mickey's family caroling with Scrooge McDuck.
The stars (and, ahem, lesser lights) wish Long Islanders well for the holidays. Here are the first few pages, with more to come...
Lots more coming soon, check back!

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Poet Tree in M'ocean.

Forgive me, reader, it has been eight months since my last blog post. The Fishworker (if he indeed still goes by that in SoCal, and not some gnarly Z-boy name) has been Tumbling some old writings from our erstwhile literary zine (haw!), Report to Hell. I guess it's Poetry Month or some such. So I thought I'd throw some poetry up here, dug out of my archives, and maybe even some RTH scans. First, here are some utterly random sticky notes that I once had all over the bathroom door when I lived in my Portland bachelor pad, ten plus years ago. Maybe I meant them as conversation starters, except I never had anyone over. Not poetry exactly, but I'm sure I was either stoned or drunk when I wrote them, so close enough. That's really my only criteria fer makin' awt.

Are you more foolish than honorable? 

Explain electricity.

True or false: If a person is born with a penis, then that person is a man.

Ever gotten a really good ass-kissing?

Cork-eyed and cockscrewed.

If nature is so friggin' great, why do so many beaches suck?

Rarely scared, always wary.

What parts of yourself have you tasted?

You can tell my mood by how I treat insects.

Do you know what a "Dirty Sanchez" is? If you don't, can you guess?

So many chances to be unlucky...

Do you believe in subatomic particles?

If a little person were to dream of an ostrich in a rowboat, what would you surmise that means?

Vocab: Work the word "testicle-laden" into every conversation.

Do you need assistance with maps?

God's favorite drink is _________.

True or false: There are too many jellybean flavors.

What does that itch tell you?

Can a retarded person tell if a person is faking being retarded?

You can't choose where you'll haunt.

How much of what you eat isn't food?

Are captive animals more likely to resent their zookeepers or fall in love with them?

Do you prefer the clinical term to the vulgar colloquialism?

True or false: you could hide something in public for six months if necessary.

Do you have proximity issues?

Will you take a stand on circumcision?

Bad mime's entire repertoire: pulling a pillowcase onto a pillow that's too big for it.

Ever stood on your head naked? Why?

Brain is good fish food.

Did Led Zeppelin ever really mean anything to you?

Shouldn't we fear God?

Can you pull off a good prank call?

Puzzled by the concept of folding things.

Imagine you, in a bathing suit in the yard, jumping through a hot-water sprinkler in January.

True or False: "I will almost always prefer the unpopular."

Has a cop ever scared you?

Someday, everyone will be born Siamese twins. Foremost result: hat sales double.

And the last note in the pile: Don't parade in my rain.

More soon...