Shoney's Big Boy Comic Book #28, Summer 1979.

I've had this randomly-acquired "Adventures of Shoney's Big Boy" comic book for a while now, and since it has the end of the school year as its theme, I had planned a few months ago to scan it for June. In the meantime, however, school went and ended early due to the Captain Trips. Well, here it is anyway!

It's really more of a 16-page promotional pamphlet for the restaurant chain, listing locations in the southern United States. The only indication of the date--other than the subject matter--is a 1979 copyright. This is issue number 28 ("No More Teachers, No More Books!") and labelled "free to our guests," although I've noticed from searching online that earlier issues had a bogus price with "free" pretend-stamped over it.

The blonde kid on the cover is named (appropriately enough) "Tripp," and I'm not sure what he's doing there with his tongue and finger but Big Boy seems to dig it.

The story within, most of which I will spare you, concerns the idea that, even though school is over, there's still plenty of book-learning to be done. There's an upcoming cross-country road race, and Tripp and BB are going to enter the "Burger Buggy." Tripp needs to study maps and navigational charts, keep a log, and a whole bunch of other bullshit, but it all pays off.

There's an "easy" puzzle, and the inanity of our legal system is played for laughs.

The "Just for Kids" menu is listed. I'm not from the south, never even saw a Shoney's until my twenties, so I have no idea what "Grecian bread" is.

A Big Boy combo is suggested as a reward for half-assing your chores in this Coke ad.

Kids with nothing better to do wrote to Big Boy to bother him with mind-numbing trivialities. In this edition of "Letters to Big Boy," lonely Kim Farley of Utah inadvisably broadcast his or her address to attract a pen pal (and hopefully not a serial-killing long-haul trucker).

Finally, here's the back cover with the southern locations, and another puzzle, the instructions of which made my eyes glaze over within three seconds of reading them.

Even just reading the solution to last month's puzzle is a snooze.

Hey, brainiac Big Boy, the title said it for me: NO MORE FRIGGIN' BOOKS!!!