Newsday TV Book, March 6-12, 1977.

This issue's been in my Nerd Archive for close to two decades, not sure why I've never taken a closer look at it on the blog. The cover is a promo shot for the TV Movie A Circle of Children with Jane Alexander, and if you look closely, Todd Bridges is directly behind her, and then over to the right is Kyle Richards, future Real Housewife. Between them is a kid I woulda swore was Philip McKeon (but it apparently ain't) and Rachel Longaker (trust me, you've seen her in something).

The cover story is by Bill Kaufman.

Newsday readers request a gender reveal for a Mouseketeer, wonder if the Osmonds' ice is real, and long for more of Erica Wilson's needlework. (If you're still holding out for more episodes, E.F. of Westbury, I hate to break it to you: she died of a stroke 14 years ago at age 83.)

Sunday morning brought Little Giant for Bud & Lou fans, while the Bowery Boys yukked it up in Jail Busters. The Executive Hair Centers ad is a total rip-off of Dave Berg (Mad Magazine's "The Lighter Side of..." artist), as I demonstrated HERE on the DPiMR Facebook page.

Bob Newman offers a somewhat Viskupic-esque illustration for The Gambler, and elsewhere on the Sunday afternoon sched you had your choice of Elvis, Bob Hope, McHale's Navy, and (for you high-falutin' types) Dick and Liv.

What the hell--here's the rest o' Sunday!

Monday night has an unidentified Newsday artist's hairy take on The Wind and the Lion, and there's an ad for The Westbury Home for Adults in... Jericho?

Finally, a Viskupic illustration! Uh... hmm. Looks like Gary phoned it in a li'l bit.

Late Tuesday brought prime Python, sub-prime Marx Brothers and Laurel & Hardy, and an embarrassed Basil Rathbone (according to reviewer John Cashman).

Another full day: Saturday, including an amusingly on-the-nose Visk drawing for Mean Streets! Oh, you lucky girls and boys!

A dismal Crosswords attempt (wudn me) and an Easter clip art Dollar Shoe Outlet ad.

Now for a couple ads: Dk Fusion is perfect! Romance, shower, play the roughest sports! Simultaneously!

With the World Modeling Association, dreams come true at the Waldorf! Thanks, Ruth Tolman!

Dining Car 1890--authentic rolling stock, Chicken Kiev, and Museums at Stony Brook admission!

See you next time, when I'll have more Worship for Shut-Ins!
(Sunday, 7:30 am, WTNH 8)

Newsday TV Book, February 19-25, 1978.

We're two-thirds of the way into a brutally cold February, so I bet the music of Barry Manilow will shine, shine, shine on you like a warm daybreak. (Or, you can't stand him, like several people I know, in which case just resume freezing your hinder off and skip the cover story by the great Bill Kaufman.)

(Click or tap the pictures to see them better. I'm not sure I need to say that anymore--it seems so obvious and dumb--but, to paraphrase Mary Tyler Moore, "Dumb is all around.")

I thought the mention of Barry’s beagle, Bagel, was a funny little detail, turns out this was a very well-known hound.

In the TV Line: the whereabouts of the fifth Kong, an explanation for Mrs. Roper’s fashion sense, and why Soap is Soap.

Oh, and that thing around Paul Michael Glaser’s neck? None of your fucking business.

In this week’s ad for Dan Howard’s Maternity Outlet, the Noseless Preggo wears high boots and an overalls-ish romper, I guess. So, the baby just lifts that flap when it’s hungry?

Here’s a full weekday, Monday the 20th. There’s a close-up on that night’s TV movie premiere of Wild and Wooly, featuring hottie trio Elyssa Davalos, Chris De Lisle, and my favorite, Susan Bigelow. She was in tons of commercials, and I always thought she was cute (although this pic doesn't do her justice). Coincidentally, I acquired a recording of WaW, from WNEW, aired July of ‘85.

TV celebs were regularly given specials with stupid titles, and the aforementioned MTM got a few of them, including this doozy ("How to Survive the 70's and Maybe Even Bump Into Happiness") with Harvey Korman.

I seem to remember digging Quark. I have the series DVD (all 8 episodes), acquired with the hope of scratching a nostalgia itch I'm not even sure I have. I've tried watching it several times, but I haven’t yet made it through an entire episode. I guess it’s not the worst show I’ve ever seen, but the overall quality tends to remind me of the unpleasant notion that I am not immortal and therefore needn’t be spending any more of my hourglass sand on a 70's sci-fi sitcom that seems to be inspired solely by a desire to cash in on the Star Wars craze. Sorry, creator Buck Henry.

All day Saturday. You didn't ask for it, but I know how you are…

You would be wasting your morning strolling down Broadway with a zombie from the 1940's (thanks to the WOR double-feature). 

Later you'd tune in Children Shouldn't Play with Dead Things (WOR again!), although you will find it does not benefit from daylight viewing. This is a movie that needs all the help it can get, so maybe wait 'til the next late Saturday Fright Night showing, which I can tell you (by consulting my handy copy [digital] of Fright Night on Channel 9 by James Arena) won't happen for another three years and a month. (Here's my review of the book--go click on "helpful," you don't even have to read it.)

I'm not sure what you'd watch that evening, but I do know that the joke in John Cashman's review of Panic in the Year Zero is hobbled by a typo; it's supposed to say that Ray Milland's greatest feat as director is not letting Frankie Avalon RUIN things.

I'll end the second-person pretense now and just say that I would have Love Boated to Fantasy Island purely for Lynda Day George and Carol Lynley, respectively. Then Odd Couple, O.J. Simpson on SNL (although we never called it that back then, just as we weren't yet calling O.J. a murderer), and of course, Octaman on FN!

Some Cable TV Highlights: Russ Meyer's The Vixens (X) gets softened into Vixen (R),and Tom Downey Reports on clamming. Only one of these shows featured incest.

(To my knowledge.)

Just a couple ads to offer, starting with a sprightly clip art George Washington for Medford's Nanrich...

...then that black-and-white furniture illustration comes to colorful life for Suburban Colonial Shoppes' own holiday sale.

My eyes! I got some seventies in my eyes! Quick, flush them with a Harvey Wallbanger!

See you next time, for an early March 1977 edition, with the TV movie A Circle of Children on the cover. Oh boy--Jane Alexander and a dozen emotionally disturbed kids? Break out the snacks!

And keep those Wallbangers coming!

Newsday TV Book, February 2-8, 1975.

I'm keeping commentary light at the moment, because my keyboard is still screwy--a few letters don't work so I have to fill in the gaps afterward with the on-screen keyboard, which is a tremendous pain in the KEY-ster! Here, I'll copy the cover photo caption without correcting it so you get an idea of what I'm up against:

Simon r n nthony Hopkins portry  specil pir of veterinrins. See Hopkins story on pe 4.
(I can't even put it in quotes!)

Okay, now I’ve got my phone—let the easily-disregardable japery commence!

In the TV Line, we learn that Jimmy Osmond was 11 but could pass for much younger, Judith Lowery was the hot poster girl right before Farrah, and the mountains of Korea were in fact located in Santa Monica.

The cover story spends two pages telling us about some dunce actor who likes to watch a lot of daytime TV.

Sunday morning offered some minor efforts by Bud & Lou and Slip & Sach. Carlton Hair Creations’ permanent Mera-Bond System sounds pretty sketch, but I’ll keep it in mind as I get closer to that before picture…

The late Sunday page hosts a bunch of positive John Cashman takes (except that first one is a real zinger).

On Monday evening, one had an interesting choice between public television options: a Japanese film called Double Suicide, which replaced puppets with actors while keeping the puppeteers; or a show about aging into retirement. The latter benefits from an accompanying illustration by Gary Viskupic, but, to be honest, not much.

If Richard Conte ever happened across John Cashman’s review of his sole directorial effort, Operation Cross Eagles, I hope he was wearing a cup at the time.

If anyone can explain to me why a building contractor would use a clip-art angel in their ad (sitting on a stool and listening to music on headphones, no less), I’d appreciate that.

The page of later listings for Friday is great, serving up some classic Visk and Cashman, although that close-up gets Khigh Dhiegh’s name wrong (which is understandable, since it’s way trickier to spell than the performer’s real name: Kenneth Dickerson!).

Here’s all of Saturday, because I’m nothing if not a giver.

Residents of Plainview (hometown, woot-woot) had to travel a little farther to become lovelier in ‘75, as that Holiday Spas location was kaput.

Frosty Fair of Franklin Square supplied groceries delivered to your freezer (and more than just meat, apparently). Their erstwhile existence is unknown to the internet, thus I present this not-especially-interesting ad for posterity.

From what I’ve heard, Crosswords center Tom Bosley often had “cross words” for co-workers, because he was allegedly a real tool.

“London Hairdesigns” came to Plainview, and these pencil drawings are just as unflattering as I presume the cuts were in real life. 

See you next time! (Tht phrse I cn rite...)