The Fantasy Trip, Part Two (1979 Newsday TV Books, April 29-May 5)

The second issue of my sparse 1979 collection spans April and May, and on the cover is Robert Duvall as Dwight David Eisenhower. Ike was a five-hour miniseries which, curiously, employed colorized newsreel footage. (All pics clickable--didn't Daffy Duck always say that?--for enlarged viewing...)

The cover story is nicely handled by Newsday Living Editor Warren Berry, who gives an interesting take on the film and provides plenty of facts (not to mention kudos for Patton portrayer Darrin McGavin, a favorite of your intrepid Non-Parader).

On the inside cover, as always, is the TV Line, the 70's version of DuckDuckGo. This one addresses readers' concerns about such pressing matters as Pat Boone's daredevilry, the whereabouts of J.J., and Mork's Satanic-sounding flair.

In the "Off Camera" column, Star Wars Holiday Special producer Steve Binder predicts big things for Suzee Chulick (who these days wisely goes by her married name, Suzee Bailey). He was right: a role on an episode of The Devlin Connection followed, along with a co-hosting gig with Bill Boggs, and improv tutelage from Eric Von Zipper himself (that's all according to this resume)--sounds pretty impressive to me!

Now, remember, I am looking at these schedules from the perspective of what I'd record if I somehow time-slipped back to 1979. (Didn't you read the previous post? Catch up, dammit! You will be given a related assignment shortly!) Sorry if I muddle my tenses, but it's a little confusing. Let's start, appropriately enough, with Sunday morning, this one notable for the helpful Daylight Saving Time reminder.

I see that Wonderama was still around, and it says here that it was still being hosted by Bob McAllister (despite what I see elsewhere online). Kids Are People Too, briefly hosted by McAllister until he was canned the previous November, is on at 10AM. According to the TV Guide for the week (yes, I have that too), the guests were Shari Lewis, the director of Rocky, and Evelyn "Champagne" King, who sang "Shame." I would record Wonderama, skip KAPT.

Here's the close-up for an NBC premiere movie, Swashbuckler, which I saw twice in the theater so I must have enjoyed it. The main thing I remember about it was Genevieve Bujold threatening to slice a guy's balls off, like holding a knife to his crotch and everything. Clearly it made an impression.

While I dug Swashbuckler, on this night it aired against a no-brainer for recording: An Emmy Award presentation focusing on New York TV, with a bunch of comedy heavyweights I wouldn't miss for anything. (Okay, maybe Billy Saluga's more of a middleweight.)

In the last TV Book, I displayed an ad for the North Shore Animal League, which declared "Puppy Circus Tonight!" without really explaining what that meant. This time, the come-on is much clearer: Two free Mets tickets with any adoption. (This is pre-season, mind you, which is even more boring than the World Series.)

Next up we have some ads, including a teen disco with a ongoing dance contest. In '79, I would have been two years shy of the minimum age, ensuring that my interpretation of Soupy Sales' "The Mouse" (performed perversely to the handed-down 45 of his "Pie in the Face," still in regular rotation for this odd boy) would have to go sadly unrecognized.

On Monday afternoon, Dinah! has an intriguing line-up, including Harry Shearer and Billy Crystal. It leads into Magic Garden, so, sure, I'd tape it. The close-up here is for a show I have in my collection, the 29th Annual Miss USA Beauty Pageant (with original commercials, natch). It featured the show-stopping "Waiting For the Robert E. Lee/Mississippi Disco" number--show-stopping in the sense that, at some point while watching, you will need to turn it off long enough to regain your laughter-depleted breath.

I see I've marked The Mike Douglas Show for recording here, but looking at it now I'm just not feeling it. A much tougher choice lay ahead at 7:30, when Gilda Radner cavorted with the Muppets on channel 2 while Leonard Nimoy searched for "Siberian fireball" two clicks over. (You make that with cinnamon schnapps, right?)

The trivia is kinda dull, but I like the ad with a guy getting strangled by a belt of credit cards. Please note that the Pioneer Diner Restaurant's "Prairie Schooner Lounge" is only at the Hauppauge location. Finally! A reason to visit Hauppauge!

I've never seen The Thirsty Dead but I'd record it, especially given John Cashman's wildly enthusiastic review. The less said about La Marr and Carlton the better.

Late-night Tuesday had Susan Sarandon appearing opposite herself, in Joe and guesting on The Tonight Show. I might record the former, as it's an interesting flick. Nah, who am I kidding? The Love Boat II it is, with childhood crush Kristy MacNichol...

I guess I could tape a WABC 4:30 Movie presentation of Soylent Green without regret, but I mainly scanned this page for the Record World/Record Shops at TSS ad touting James Galway, who did "Annie's Song" (along with a number of other "favorites" you've never heard of.

Curse of Bigfoot and The Brain That Wouldn't Die in one night? Score! And look, another flutist!

This page is really just here for the Gary Viskupic illustration, but I'd also like to note that I would absolutely be recording full afternoon line-ups on the local channels on a regular basis (maybe not WOR channel 9, as they didn't really do kid's programming). For the record, after the Jetsons, WPIX showed an hour of Tom & Jerry.

Yet another late-night sched, again with terrific horror choices. The Crazies? Yes please. But to choose between House of Wax and The Navy Vs. the Night Monsters? Agony, agony!

Since the next 1979 TVB I have is from June, I'll take this opportunity to show the weekday morning schedule while school was still in session. It most likely changed for the summer, and would definitely change by the time a new scholastic year rolled around. As for what I'd record, well... It's easier to mention what I wouldn't want preserved on VHS--namely, nothing!

More trivia, and an ad for an awning maker in a town that saw a lot of extra traffic passing one particular house this year (and it wasn't because it had such nice awnings)...

Okay, it's time for your assignment. Here's the entire Saturday schedule. You have two VHS tapes, one to record something (or some things) you find essential, stuff you want to preserve as pristinely as possible at the clearer two-hour speed, and the other one for taping on six-hour, meaning lesser clarity but--duh--more time. So you tell me: what goes on each tape?

You can keep in mind that it's "Star Wars Day," May the fourth, if that means anything to you--and hey, you could be the one to introduce this idea to your dorky pals! (Oh wait. The fourth was yesterday. Never mind.)

"King Bagel Hero"--At last, a Marvel movie set on Long Island!

Finally, the cable listings page. April Fools sounds like something I would want to check out, and what the hell, let's find out exactly what Helen Colicott has to say. (I presume, since her program is coming from Brookhaven, location of the Brookhaven National Laboratory and its two reactors, that the speaker is in fact anti-nuclear activist Helen Caldicott. Way to proofread, Newsday.)

Alright, that's it... Next time out, I'll have issues from THREE consecutive weeks at the end of June! Perfect, just when TV is at its most boring! See ya then!