Sunday, January 18, 2009

It Feels Like 1974: Funky Denim Wonderland!

For no special reason, I present the entire Newsday TV Book for this week, 1974, which would be... holy crap, thirty-five years ago! Here's Sunday...

(Click on pics for larger view)
Here's Jack Benny touching up the George Burns figure at Madame Tussaud's. Say, Nat Birnbaum's got some stylin' frames!
The TV Line Q & A. Where have you gone, Lisa Raggio?
Buy a cheesy wall-sized mirror and get eight gallons for the Gremlin. Hold out for premium!

So the only folks who appeared in this Jack Benny special who are still alive are little Tony DeFranco and Harry Morgan?!?

If this running "farewell show" gag was an annual event, then this was, in fact, the real thing. Benny went permanently deadpan in December '74.

Last year she perfected her sewing. This year she's working on her figure. I say 1975 found her resolving to get her whites their whitest or die trying. Ah, nothing says "spa" like the oasis known as the Plainview Shopping Center.
WSNL (channel 67) has lots of local Long Island programming, like this afternoon's Long Island Homebuyer. (Today's hot tip: Dutch Colonial house on Ocean Avenue in Amityville, going cheap, needs new carpeting in all bedrooms but one.) Check out channel seven at 1 pm--I didn't know Tennessee Williams wrote a Law & Order episode!
Here's an innovative way to sell a hair replacement system: Shame the bald guy's wife! And hey, who the hell brushed the Chia pet? WSNL serves up "pro" hockey with the Long Island Cougars, a team I've never ever heard of. On WLIW channel 21, there's a lesson in Fortran for Morons, Geniuses and Hobbits. What did you fucking nerds do before computers and Tolkien? On World of Disney, there's part one of "Hog Wild," a title which portends a typically zany Disney romp. It's about, uh, a man crippled by an enraged sow. (Perhaps zaniness ensues in part two--a sped-up wheelchair race with Don Knotts, maybe?) Anyway, it's gotta be better than the Tim Allen movie. Oh wait, that's Wild Hogs. 67 has Howard Blankman hosting Toast of Long Island. This week: marble rye.
I suspect Shelf House is not really a showroom for wall systems so much as an outlet for a mentally unstable carpenter. Seriously, that's the Winchester House of shelving right there. The David Susskind Show features panel discussions about Harry Truman and vitamins, and that's why you don't remember David Susskind.
Westrock Beef asks: why pay ten goddamn dollars for the best steak dinner when you can buy a slab of cow out of the back of a trailer?

Boy, you thought Sunday verged on interesting--stay tuned for Monday! Oh, and the post title is courtesy Robyn Hitchcock's song, "1974." Go look for it if you've never heard it...

3 Comments:

Blogger MO'SH said...

A goddamn hilarious roast of 70s LI TV media! Great "Homebuyer" joke! I'm naming my next album "Fortran for Morons, Geniuses & Hobbits"! Excelsior!

Wed Jan 21, 09:22:00 AM 2009  
Blogger Lucy Starcrest said...

A shaplier figure is my goal this year as well! Ah, timeless....

Tue Feb 17, 12:27:00 PM 2009  
Blogger Andrew Fernandez said...

I remember western beef it was similar to that store but it was mostly in Brooklyn and queens. it started selling groceries around the mid 80s.

Tue Apr 01, 03:14:00 PM 2014  

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