Promenade!

It's around that time yet again, for not-quite-growns-upped kiddies all over the land to prep for prom again. Say, when did the prom become just "prom," as in "going to prom" or "Christ, I hope I get me some ass at prom?" I saw a thing the other night suggesting that some kids have their parents blow 20 grand on the stupid thing. One school (on Long Island, not surprisingly) had to cancel the prom entirely because it was getting out of hand. My prom? Spent drinking in the parking lot by Syosset Lanes. There was a great bagel place in the same strip mall (probably still there), so if you could hang long enough without passing out ('til three a.m. or so), you could get them fresh outta the vat, hot as fuck and dripping with butter. Jesus, that was better than any gay-ass prom. Speaking of gay asses...

...this one displayed himself proudly for all of Long Island to see in the April 29, 1978 Newsday TV Book. His stiff Travolta-lite posturing surely inspired many Clearasil-coated Island teens to hustle down to VIP Formals for their dance lesson and free "Tuxedo T. Shirt." He looks like a LIRR strap-hanger with a wicked case of hemorrhoids.

By the way, I did go a prom later, with my first girlfriend. After the festivities, we went to Burger King to load up on grease, but the limo got stuck in reverse and we careened across six lanes of Jericho Turnpike traffic and slammed into the side of Pergament (the Home Depot before Home Depot). I took the limo company to court and won my money back, but the shady owner guy skipped town and I got squat. Fuckin' prom.