Newsday TV Books, July 1973.

It's July now in Newsday TV Book reminiscing-land, and as we hit the half-way point of 1973, still-relevant Bob Hope adorned the cover of that first week with a truly peculiar Gary Viskupic color drawing.

The story is a two-pager, mostly about Hope's political leanings and such. I was never much of a Hope aficionado (and even as I read the article I found myself hearing his quotes in the voice of Dave Thomas' impersonation on SCTV). I must admit I do recall a conversation I had with Maria from across the street when we were kids. We had heard that Paul Lynde was honored with some sort of "Comedian of the Year" award, and we both felt that it should have gone to Hope. I remember us reasoning that Lynde always laughed at his own jokes, which we found off-putting. We mulled over that observation and simultaneously realized that the same could be said of Hope, so we further reasoned that Hope wasn't laughing at his own material so much as just smiling with appreciation at the love he receives from his audiences. What a full-of-shit couple of seven-year-olds.

TV Line talks Larry Hooper, Scott Jacoby, Nancy Dussault and the NBC Mystery Movie's Flashlight Guy.

On Sunday night, Johnny Whitaker wide-eyes his way through "The Mystery of Dracula's Castle," a Disney presentation with Clu Gulager (and also the kid who played Johnny's little brother on Sigmund and the Sea Monsters).

On Monday, Not for Women Only declares fat unfunny, and Viskupic responds accordingly, with great sensitivity.

Later that night, here's Lucie on Here's Lucy, and some eviscerating John Cashman movie reviews.

Now on to late Wednesday and some "Comedy News" (I just see Mort Sahl and I laugh!), and WNEW's Reel Camp at 1:55 asks a perennial question.

Viskupic's tone turns ominous as he depicts a blind, voiceless press for a Thursday ABC news special about the first amendment.

A few ads now, first as a "Vacation Values" block (who knew Emilio could ski and surf?)...

...and then one for the Butcher Boy (Meat Market of Port Jefferson), who proffers no gifts and promises no gimmicks, but does serve up the grossest slogan of any food purveyor ever: "We cut anything including our fingers once in a while."

The following week, it's Dick Van Dyke and Hope Lange plugging away for their doomed show, which presented Van Dyke as a talk show host last season but for the coming season will change his character's profession to soap opera star/commercial actor. (Nothing draws 'em in like Dick dancing on a really big toilet.)

The TV Line dishes on deaf Osmonds, ugliest man in show biz Richard Boone, cute Judy Norton and super-cute (and deeply religious) Rita McLaughlin.

Viskupic inks another stark, startling image for the NBC News special about the Sinai.

Far lighter is his Queen Elizabeth holding a giant golf ball and festooned club for a close-up on the British Open that Saturday afternoon.

A rare local ad for WCBS news shows Rolland Smith and Dave Marash having a josh in the newsroom, no doubt hollering to be heard over the clackety-clack of a dozen manual typewriters and the dit-dit-dit-dit of wire services.

A Cootner cover introduces a piece on American kiddie shows taking over the world. Morgan Freeman's a pig. (Newsday said it, not me!)

Bill Cosby is the true victim here... of bad ratings.

Late Monday, Marjoe Gortner brings you the sounds of Nashville...

...and the next night, Chicago is in the Rockies.

To illustrate this ABC comedy special, Viskupic does his familiar "let's-make-this-way-weirder-than-it-really-needs-to-be" bit by giving us gaping mouths where eyes should be.

Also unsettling in her own way, Helen Reddy hosts Joan Rivers and Jim Croce on Thursday night.

Friday night, Viskupic does Harriet, and hepcats stay up and dig on In Concert and Midnight Special. (Every once in a while I like to leave in the groovy font and graphics.)

Holiday Spa continues to MILF this Hot Mommy theme for all it's worth.

Sizzling summer sales include a service employing Lilliputian scalp scratchers.

Finally for this week, a bit more Rolland and Dave.

The profiles of Mike Wallace and Oliver Reed--no wait, that's Morley Safer--grace the next cover.

Their hit show 60 Minutes gets shunted to Friday nights for the summer.

Queries regarding the sounds of Hot Butter and Quaker Oats' ancient astronauts pop up in this week's TV Line.

Visk phones in this Music Country close-up on late Thursday.

The guide is light on content this week, so here are some ads. Custom Meats presents "Cookout Corner," featuring a grill mysteriously manned by a leprechaun.

 

Khrushchev's wife makes your mower last, or something.

Putting the lie to my earlier assertion that local news ads were rare, here's the third one this month.

As we head into August, 25-year-old (!) Georgia Engel is re-introduced to The Mary Tyler Moore Show, now as a semi-regular.

Linc's superfluous glasses, Maggie's Beautiful Machine and the erstwhile Westbury Music Fair get shout-outs in the Line this time out.

Late Monday, Geraldo gets his first shot at a national interview forum.

This Viskupic drawing is found elsewhere on DPiMR, so here's the full page.

Listen, if Bill Fiore and Shimen Ruskin didn't draw you in to The Corner Bar, will the addition of Ron Carey have you bellying up? (The answer, of course, is "of course.")

Just for the fuck of it (as Diet Coke used to say), here's the late-night schedule for the first Saturday of that August. I love when Cashman throws in the odd bit of trivia, as with this Saratoga review.

We close out the month with, yes, another WCBS newsroom ad, but Rolland and Dave have departed for an after-show doobie break.

See you next time! Until then, remember: No parading!
(So yeah, I'll keep working on a catchphrase outro.)