Newsday TV Books, May 1973.

Ah, it's the merry, merry month of May (play along), the very midst of spring, when a young man's fancy turns to a bulky, sweatered body sporting the heads of Nipsey Russell and Dom DeLuise. Huh? Oh, sorry, I got distracted there a sec. By Dean Martin's sideburn-strapped hairpiece.

On the inside cover, we learn that Paul Winchell invented some sort of artificial heart gadgetry. Kind of ironic, considering Knucklehead Smiff died of pulmonary edema. (Probably had something to do with being folded in a suitcase most of the time.)

Yet another cheesecake ad for Holiday Spa. I present these ads strictly because they had facilities in my hometown of Plainview, as noted in the copy. Plus the titties.

This article tells you everything you want to know about Dom D., provided you don't care to hear anything that happened to him after May of 1973. But you can read about Lotsa Luck, his show premiering that coming fall. And did you know he started out as a Garry Moore bit player doing "Dominick the Magician?" (You did not, you filthy fucking liar.)

"Robert Young with the Young..." No, I'm not going there. I will say that Arte Johnson looks like John Denver recovering from a head injury. With the WOR Million Dollar Movie at 8pm, reviewer John Cashman adds another mediocre flick to the "sitthroughable" category, featuring a complimentary notice that probably didn't go in Van Heflin's scrapbook.

I found an article about Paumanok, "the magazine of Long Island living," as seen in this advertisement at lower right. It's on the nets here, but I didn't find much else. Jeez, nice Mother's Day gift, bonehead--a subscription to a magazine that barely exists. Now, mother, why don't you cook me something and then you can "touch" dance while I take pictures...

Gary Viskupic portrays Eisensteins young (with a relatively tame 'do) and, I presume, old (though oddly I can't find any actual photos to back this up). Judging from the review of The Dunwich Horror at 11:30 this late Monday evening, John Cashman might have been a Lovecraft fan.

Another Viskupic sketch, this one with Paula Abdul as a train, and a cameo by a tiny befanged skull. If you plan on both reading this page and someday seeing The Maze... uh, spoiler alert.

The Friday night listings show us Junior Miss 1972 Lydia Anne Hodson (who was also a Breck Girl), giving up her crown if not her Diane Keatonesque chapeau. If you were jonesing for the comfort of distant Yuletide spirit this May 11th, Love, American Style offered up a maintenance hit by repeating the ep with the holiday segment, "Love and the Christmas Punch."

Visk was putting in the overtime again this week, here with an I Remember Mama close-up that makes me think he had a thing for Barbara Bel Geddes.

Finally this week, a back cover of Macy's furniture and tchotchkes like 70's Technicolor dynamite. I call this the Buck Rogers line... because it saves space.

Enough comedy jokes, let's now celebrate motherhood with Rosalind Russell, although her demon horns inspire a feeling of fear rather than maternal warmth.

Russell's good, but I prefer the TV version, Sada Thompson.

A reader asks about a poem read by Victor Buono on The Tonight Show. "I Trust You'll Treat her Well," about a trepidatious father sending his daughter off to kindergarten, was evidently written by someone named Dan Valentine, but even now Buono is commonly credited with authorship. Interesting in that Buono was relatively open about being gay and had no children.

The featured Melba Tolliver-hosted program this Sunday evening didn't actually air (due to sports overtime) but was dropped into the schedule a few weeks later. If you go to her website, Tolliver hasn't written a blog post in over four years. These facts are, to my knowledge, unrelated.

Sorry for the waviness of this scan, but I wanted the full spread on this cool Viskupic depiction of what looks like Johnny Cash walking the Skylab line, along with that Monday afternoon's sched.

I have never heard of this movie The Sergeant, but I suppose I'd sign on for Rod Steiger and John Phillip Law playing furtive footsie over reruns of Circle of Fear and Room 222. However, WPIX (channel 11) had Newsday's TV critic Marvin Kitman at nine, hosting "Comedy Hour of TV Comedy" (I think that's supposed to be a joke) with an episode each of The Honeymooners and The Phil Silvers Show.

The week of the 20th brought the twenty-fifth Emmy Awards.

 

It was hosted by Johnny Carson, but the Bill Kaufman article focuses on producer Bob Finkel instead.

Islanders wonder about Joshua Albee (despite the photo here, I have done some research and he is not Billy Mumy), Donny Osmond, Christine Cahill as baby Tommy, and someone in North Massapequa is baffled by Baffle.

Here are the Emmy nominations. One regrettable moment backstage was when Buddy Hackett was accidentally stuffed into a trunk as they were packing away the Muppets.

Richard Dreyfuss stars in a pilot of Catch-22 and Howard Cosell gets saluted, apparently without Muhammad Ali's participation.

This Wednesday schedule not only features the second day that Newsday included a programming note regarding coverage of the Watergate hearings, but at 3:30 there's the PBS premiere of Inside/Out, the memorable educational series. The stories featured life and morality lessons that ended without resolution for subsequent classroom discussion. For a kid as dopey as me watching at home, however, it was just puzzling and vaguely unsettling.

Miss California '69 Brenda Dickson graces the cover for the last week of May going into June. She's still around and active on social media, even if she's nearly unrecognizable compared to these photos. (Just take my word for it. Oy to the vey.)

Merv's divorce shocks a church-goer, Gene Roddenberry looks to follow-up Star Trek, and Boot (Shaggy) resides in Lassie's shadow in this week's TV Line.

Sammy asks that you drive safely this Memorial Day (or at the very least, keep your eyes away from that stupid pointy horn button).

Geraldo and pals Imus, Marjoe and Bologna spend four hours shaking the bucket for retarded folks.

At and probably least (I'll leave that up to you), this ad for Spa Shops features an advertising character I had happily forgotten about: The thin woman stepping out of a fat one. No wonder I was so appalled by it as a kid--it looks like a woman was wearing her chubby twin like a Taun-Taun pelt.

That's all for now, but next up is June, so...