My Speech to the United Nations, By Georgie Bush.

Is Bushie-Bush writing his own material these days? His speeches increasingly sound like fourth-grade book reports, and his address before the U.N. was downright embarrassing. Hearing his hesitant delivery of primer-simple sentences sent a chill down my spine, knowing that all those global representatives are most likely quietly sneering at him with bemused disdain.

He begins his condescending statements about the Middle East (I think he was specifically talking about Iran) by saying that the area has a "rich history." Yeah, fuckhead, that's kinda why they call it the cradle of civilization. In response to those who say that the U.S. brought instability to that region, he says that this argument is based on the false belief that the region was stable to begin with. What fucking ignoramus would argue that? It's just another straw supposition for him to knock down in idiotic victory with his patented self-satisfied smirk on his mug.

I don't even want to get too deeply into the whole mess, but of course there was at least one muffed line, when he referred to Iraqis raising their "ink-stanked fingers." At the very least, this dolt's tongue should be impeached. It occurred to me the other day that he's sounding more and more like the retarded character Rob Lowe played in Squaredance. If he ever testifies to his undying love of tuna casserole, the transition from privileged dunce to full-on mental deficient will be complete. (I searched Google News for audio of the speech, but damn if I could find any.)

I really hope that he debates Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. As the "Young Turks" on Air America pointed out, you usually think of a debate as being a meeting of agile minds, but in this case, the debate would be between a guy who doesn't believe in the Holocaust and a guy who doesn't believe in evolution. And is it just me, or does Ahmadinejad look disconcertingly like a swarthy George Bush? Their dopey grins, their pointed, appropriately hawk-like noses, their empty, slightly-crossed, too-close-together eyes... I mostly want them to debate so I can see them in the same room for myself.

Incidentally, I'm still trying to store the leader of Iran's name. If I ever have to mention him, I tend to just call him Mahmoud, as if he's a pal. In fact, I fear I'm simply reaching that age where new names are often tough to keep in the old mental register, especially foreign ones. Whenever I read an article about him, I say his name to myself three or four times, but later when I try to call it up, there's nothing there. I want to yell at my brain, "Retain, dammit, retain!" To which it might reply, "Tell you what--I'll see what I can do about getting rid of some of the older stuff cluttering up the place. I'll try to delete Bebe Rebozo, and do my best to add Mahmoud Abba-jibby-job." (I suspect it's hopeless--who could ever forget the name Bebe Rebozo? How odd that his parents looked at their newborn babe and said, "Hey, instead of a name, let's give him a punchline!")

All in all, maybe I should cut Bushie-Bush some slack in the verbal fumbling department. I'm sure his booze-and-coke-addled brain isn't what it used to be either, and it was never much more than ballast anyway. I just wonder who got the job of whispering the names of world figures into his ear while he sleeps. (Surely they don't trust Karl "Porky" Rove in the Presidential bedroom...)