30 Years Ago in TV Guide...

Larry King's favorite, Angie Dickinson, and everyone's favorite, Earl Holliman, grace the cover of the January 17-23, 1976 TV Guide.

TVG reports that Welcome Back, Kotter is back on in Boston, which had banned it due to the city's "racially tense school situation." Sounds crazy, but few recall that the pilot had Boom-Boom pistol-whipping class slut Hotzi Totzi in the back of the bus. (Bonus points: who played Hotzi Totzi? Mary Hartman's little sister, used to be on Match Game a lot, died less than a year ago... (answer link here)

My viewing choices for Saturday morning, January 17th, beginning at 8 a.m.: Hong Kong Phooey; Tom & Jerry/Grape Ape or Bugs Bunny/Road Runner; Scooby Doo; Land of the Lost; Run, Joe, Run; Speed Buggy; Oddball Couple. Then I'd venture into the daylight, blinking and trembling.

On American Bandstand, actress Liz Torres sings "Hurt." She was best known then as Theresa on All in the Family and Julie on Phyllis, now as Miss Patty on Gilmore Girls (a show I really enjoy, so screw you).

Dorothy Hamill is shown earning a berth at the Olympics on Saturday's Wide World of Sports.

Kukla, Fran & Ollie presents an opera. Boy, I'm sorry I missed that one.

Howard Cosell's variety show on ABC features Scottish deviants Bay City Rollers, comedian "Bill" Crystal and singer (?) "Elaine Boozler." Surprise, it's the last show of the series, to be replaced by Almost Anything Goes, which, if I remember correctly, often featured people rowing an inflatable raft across an above-ground pool.

A CBS special saluting the Super Bowl has O.J. Simpson and Joe Namath singing "Bad, Bad, Leroy Brown." I didn't see it, but I bet the word 'bad' oughta be in there a few more times. The Pointer Sisters and KC and the Sunshine Band are on hand, as are Mary Richards, Lou Grant, Maude, Phyllis, Murray Slaughter and J.J. Evans.

Advertisement: Another triumph! Step away from it, Arthur--now it belongs to the ages!

Only three bucks, or get 2 for a fin. Make the second a gift, as "anyone who has a sense of humor will thank you." No, thank you, Master Sarnoff.

Sunday morning finds about seven thousand religious programs (including the ever-popular Worship For Shut-ins) and multiple showings of Davey and Goliath; Harlem Globetrotter Popcorn Machine with Rodney Allen Rippy; Wonderama; Big Blue Marble (which I can't imagine any child actually sitting through, despite what these folks claim); and, of course, Abbott and Costello and Bowery Boys flicks. In other words, sleep in.

Here's the line-up for the Super Bowl teams. It has something to do with sports.

There's a show called Vaudeville on WNEW Sunday evening. Nancy Walker, Harvey Lembeck, Sid Gould... Couldn't they just let it rest?

On World of Disney, "The Whiz Kid and the Carnival Caper" has juvenile sleuths investigating larcenous carnies, with Mineola's own Kim Richards (who else?) as Daffy. Over on ABC, Swiss Family Robinson stars Helen Hunt, future Academy Award-winning actress, and Willie Aames, future fat coked-up Christian with a short fuse and bad ink.

Old episodes of Rin Tin Tin return to weekly daytime TV, but it is noted that they are now shown in sepia, not black and white. It is not explained why. On Tuesday's episode, Rin Tin Tin is mauled by a mountain lion. Oh, that Rinty!

Let's play "Dead or Not Dead" with guests of the game and talk shows of the week. George Gobel. Joe Garagiola. Lola Falana. Carol Channing. Sandy Duncan. Karen Valentine. Elaine Joyce. Jaye P. Morgan. Jo Anne Worley. Marvin Hamlisch. Paul Williams. Wink Martindale. Rin Tin Tin.

(For answers, go to IMDb.com, because I don't know and I don't care. Let's just assume they were all mauled by mountain lions.)

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It doesn't say what this "land of intrigue" is. Kaftan? Dahara? Massapequa?

Synopsis of a Partridge Family repeat on Channel 5: "In Las Vegas, a leggy cigarette girl means trouble for 10 year-old Danny." I think I see a lifetime of bad decisions brewing. Danny should at least learn to check and see how hairy those legs are.

Tuesday brings the debut of Popi, with Hector Elizando as a Puerto Rican widower who, according to the ad, has "a knack for failing in the most hilarious way possible." Undoubtedly, this self-destructive trait charms his two young sons and the woman he's "keeping company" with.

Mary Tyler Moore is showcased in a Thursday night special called Mary's Incredible Dream, which indeed sounds, uh, incredible: "[Moore] sings and dances to rock, pop, and classical pieces in a show that's drawn from the Bible and fleshed out with allegory about man's creation, fall and rebirth. The show takes the form of surrealistic dream sequences that range from the fanciful to the solemn, and that have Mary playing the roles of angel, devil and woman." Manhattan Transfer does "Sympathy for the Devil," perhaps worth the price of admission right there.

In the ad, one of Mary's guises appears to be a Marlene Dietrich-type temptress, with thigh-high boots, tight leather jacket over a bustier, and a riding crop. Okay, now that's worth the admission!

And to close out our viewing week, we have the premiere of, holy Christ, that's right...

...it's Donny and Marie! Do you think these horse-toothed Jack Mormons suspected anything, say, different about Paul Lynde? On the debut episode, Farrah Fawcett-Majors played a "used dinosaur saleswoman." This show was a huge hit from the get-go. It may have something to do with the fact that it was up against the High Flying Circus Hamburg on CBS, which was highlighted by "the Great Fattini on a sway pole."

Man, I'm exhausted. I'm gonna go watch some new TV. Hey, Lawrence Welk is coming on!