don't parade in my rain: Newsday TV Book, December 18-24, 1977.

As I sit down to write this, the solstice is due in about an hour, and then on Friday morning the area is allegedly in for a hammering of rain-to-ice-to-snow in quick succession. Temps will plunge, winds will bellow, and last-minute shoppers will curse the loss of the two whole damn days before Christmas for their traditional urgent mall meandering, with the occasional breaks for an Orange Julius, a Pretzel Schmetzel, and the indigestion special #8 at Happy Super Dragon Wok. (Wait, are malls still a thing?)

“Bring on the blizzard!” I bluster, as I freshen my whiskey slush and tug my Klugmanesque bathrobe a little tighter against the chill in the house, instead of god forbid turning the heat up a degree. Propane doesn't grow on trees, you know! It's made by robots in a factory! You think those robots work for free?

This time out, your Non-Parader is examining the Newsday TV Book for the week leading up to Christmas, 1977. The cover features a Rudolph, but not the one I enjoyed watching on CBS as he endured bullying, hung out with unpopular toys, and ultimately "saved" Christmas (or at least got bullying asshole Santa to do his damn job).

The cover story tells of how, at age 12, Wilma Rudolph took off the leg braces she'd worn all her life, then ran in her first Olympics just four years later. I'm tempted to verify this on Wikipedia, but I trust Bill Kaufman to have the facts.

TV Line tells about Dan Haggerty's beard catching fire (a story which I suspect is straight from a PR flack's imagination) among other riveting topics. Be warned: when you are done reading, there will be a test on the career of Edward Mulhare, with an essay question regarding his devotion to regional theater.

Even way back in 1977, there were cable TV channels helping Long Island viewers to get in the holiday spirit, and Cable TV Highlights furthered that effort by describing their meager offerings. Local stuff like A Huntington Christmas Carol, Made in Italy, and something called "Radio TV-6," wherein some deejays played music for 13 hours. Were they on-camera? Did we get to see them hustle out of the studio during "The 12 Days of Christmas" to take a leak?

As they often did in these late-70's TV Books, the Sunday night listings included an ad for Dan Howard's Maternity Factory Outlet, with the noseless preggo looking fine in her holiday gown. It's claimed that the dress is "easy to wear after baby comes," but they probably don't mean immediately. She wore a different outfit in each ad, but her hairstyle (a look I call "Young Adam Rich”) never varied.

As we say on the Island, this is taking fuh-eva. So, as I've done before, I'm gonna just knock these out and will try to add some humorous commentary later. (It usually only takes me a couple of years, with the humor part remaining a subject for debate.)
Here are some Monday pages, with a puzzled Brute, and Viskupic illustrating a film of persuasion.

Thursday's afternoon and evening listings include a rare (if not unique--in my collection anyway) close-up on a WABC 4:30 Movie, with a good(ish) Cashman review of White Christmas that may move my needle toward actually watching the whole thing one o' these days.

Here's all of Friday and Saturday (Christmas Eve). Enjoy!

Check out part of the Quick Guide, showing most of Saturday's movies, plus the week's sports and specials.

I like this ad for Spanish Craft in Bayport, for both its clip art elf and overall random crap-ness.

Nestled all snug in the middle of the TV Book is this "Last Minute Holiday Guide" to a bunch of Newsday advertisers, which you’ll find is also an exercise in randomness (and sometimes apparent crappiness).

Among the gift suggestions, there was some fine(ish) dining, including--woot woot! Plainview alert!--Camelot in the Pickwick Motor Lodge, where New Year's Eve was a no-no! Ah, verily it was a romantic, magical Arthurian realm, located on the Service Road off exit 48!