Newsday TV Book, December 15-21, 1974.

It's less than two weeks until Christmas, the period in my childhood when I would be losing my mind with anticipation. The St. Pius X pageant would be well-rehearsed (which is to say, about as good as a bunch of hollering, klutzy kids was gonna get) and presents in the house were undoubtedly sniffed out by now. This week's Newsday TV guide is from 1974, when I was about three months from turning 6, far too young to have yet concocted my X-ACTO-knife-and-precisely-measured-and-overlaid-tape method for opening the end of packages to take a li'l peekeroo. (Then I got a little older and realized I wasn't doing myself any favors--now I just had a toy I couldn't play with for a couple more weeks.)

Tony Orlando and Dawn tie one on for this week's cover. Now there's a light pop/comedy-variety trio out standing in their field. Well... out sitting and leaning in their field, anyway.
(click pics for clarity)

The cover story by Carol Burton addresses early success, impostors, and Tony's childhood in "Heaven's dining room."

Tony's height, Melissa Gilbert's birthday (I really hope it was a child asking that question), and Jack Lord's art are discussed in this week's TV Line, which contains a mea culpa regarding some Fred confusion.

Sometimes I start, appropriately enough, with the Sunday morning schedule, but today I'm skipping ahead a bit because of that afternoon's classic WPIX holiday double-header March of the Wooden Soldiers and Miracle on 34th Street. (The classic status of Alakazam the Great is debatable, if not downright dubious.)

Sunday night brought some can't-miss specials, with Hope and Crosby, together again (sort of).

Monday night had Tommy Smothers-voiced Ted E. Bear (good one) and holiday Rookies and Maude, and the page offered one of my favorite bits of advertising art ever: Hairless Santa!

Another jump, to Friday's late listings, and an I Spy synopsis (on Long Island's own WSNL 67) so unnecessarily verbose it even adds an extra "d" in one word!

Now here's all day Saturday, a little light on the ho-ho-ho for my taste, but it did have Santa Claus Conquers the Martians, amusing now but definitely not a favorite then. I only vaguely remember discovering it one year and thinking, "What the fuck is this crap?"

And finally some shilling: a pet supply store ad (with a Plainview location--hometown woot-woot!--but not the one your supremely humble Non-Parader worked at as a teen) and a colorful Gift Guide.

That's all for now... hey, slow down and enjoy the season, it'll be over soon! I wish you peace, joy, and the very best sound for your money!