Newsday TV Book, September 15-21, 1974.

 I'm back again, bearing Long Island-area television listings for the third week of September 1974. This time out, new series Born Free was featured (and Diana Muldaur got typoed) on the cover.

The TV Line column tells us lots about John Amos, and M.D. of Hewlett apparently felt compelled to explain his or her return to soap opera viewing. No one cares, M.D.

ABC submits this full-page ad for the TV premiere of Fiddler on the Roof, but for some reason it shows Sasquatch in a plaid shirt.

In an unusual quarter-turned full-pager, NBC ("Network of the NEW!") touted Marlin Perkins looking at a tall bird and Sandy Duncan with a million-dollar duck. Frankly I don't give two Falks.

In Tuesday's ABC ad, the crack of Connie Stevens' ass is not seen, but it is most certainly pondered.

Is it too much to ask that someday there be a World Wide Special titled "O.J. Simpson is Dead and Gone and Getting Roasted Tonight"?

So many questions arise from even a casual perusal of the peculiar entries on this oddly-illustrated page of car dealer ads: Why did Cohen Chrysler-Plymouth need to change its image? How chemically impaired was the person who wrote the Rodeo Ford copy? And how did anyone surmise that a drawing of a woman holding a "The End is Near" sign would entice potential Merry Oldsmobile customers?

My #1 takeaway, however, is that there should be a Marvel blockbuster about an alliance of superheroes, each named for those AMC models.

Here are some Friday listings, looks like it was a good night for fans of rampaging frogs and vermin. Gary Viskupic offers a drawing of a rat whose butt looks just like Pat Hingle.

Now I provide, just because people seem to like this sort of shit (aw hell, I guess I sort of like this sort of shit too) the full Saturday schedule. That morning, WOR channel 9 aired a nutty-sounding Japanimated film that I have zero recollection of, Jack and the Witch. Also note that WSNL 67 was now leading into the three-hour kiddie spectacular Ahab and Friends with the undoubtedly rousing Mary Kelley's Puppet Party.

Executive Hair Centers seems to posit that balding men are dead inside, and a neatly-combed Beatle wig is the recommended spiritual restorative.

Nakia was a new show, here advertised by ABC and spotlighted by Newsday with more Viskupic art.

And finally, the late night presentations, with plenty of John Cashman reviews, as always a lesson in concisely snarky film criticism. The guests appearing on Speakeasy are, as of this writing, 79, 78, 70 and 82 years old. (Unmentioned host Chip Monck is 81.)

Next week: Kolchak!