Poet Tree in M'ocean.

Forgive me, reader, it has been eight months since my last blog post. The Fishworker (if he indeed still goes by that in SoCal, and not some gnarly Z-boy name) has been Tumbling some old writings from our erstwhile literary zine (haw!), Report to Hell. I guess it's Poetry Month or some such. So I thought I'd throw some poetry up here, dug out of my archives, and maybe even some RTH scans. First, here are some utterly random sticky notes that I once had all over the bathroom door when I lived in my Portland bachelor pad, ten plus years ago. Maybe I meant them as conversation starters, except I never had anyone over. Not poetry exactly, but I'm sure I was either stoned or drunk when I wrote them, so close enough. That's really my only criteria fer makin' awt.

Are you more foolish than honorable? 

Explain electricity.

True or false: If a person is born with a penis, then that person is a man.

Ever gotten a really good ass-kissing?

Cork-eyed and cockscrewed.

If nature is so friggin' great, why do so many beaches suck?

Rarely scared, always wary.

What parts of yourself have you tasted?

You can tell my mood by how I treat insects.

Do you know what a "Dirty Sanchez" is? If you don't, can you guess?

So many chances to be unlucky...

Do you believe in subatomic particles?

If a little person were to dream of an ostrich in a rowboat, what would you surmise that means?

Vocab: Work the word "testicle-laden" into every conversation.

Do you need assistance with maps?

God's favorite drink is _________.

True or false: There are too many jellybean flavors.

What does that itch tell you?

Can a retarded person tell if a person is faking being retarded?

You can't choose where you'll haunt.

How much of what you eat isn't food?

Are captive animals more likely to resent their zookeepers or fall in love with them?

Do you prefer the clinical term to the vulgar colloquialism?

True or false: you could hide something in public for six months if necessary.

Do you have proximity issues?

Will you take a stand on circumcision?

Bad mime's entire repertoire: pulling a pillowcase onto a pillow that's too big for it.

Ever stood on your head naked? Why?

Brain is good fish food.

Did Led Zeppelin ever really mean anything to you?

Shouldn't we fear God?

Can you pull off a good prank call?

Puzzled by the concept of folding things.

Imagine you, in a bathing suit in the yard, jumping through a hot-water sprinkler in January.

True or False: "I will almost always prefer the unpopular."

Has a cop ever scared you?

Someday, everyone will be born Siamese twins. Foremost result: hat sales double.

And the last note in the pile: Don't parade in my rain.

More soon...