Cashman is King!

I updated the John Cashman review blog today, adding a couple dozen "new" entries. I had been indicating additions by changing the title color from black to blue, but undoing it each time proved to be a tremendous torment of the tuchus, so now I'm just gonna put the new ones here (once they're incorporated there). I figure there's only like five people looking anyway (this means you, weirdo), so I don't anticipate a problem with this new system.

As I compiled these today, I realized that not only were these reviews my childhood snark primer, they almost certainly fomented my disregard for the Oxford comma, which only recently have I begun to begrudgingly employ. Seriously, fuck that Oxford comma. (Because I say so, that's why!)

The Americanization of Emily (1964) "The political ethics of the military are stomped in this wartime morality story written by Paddy Chayefsky. It concerns some Navy brass maneuvers and a running love/hate affair between James Garner and Julie Andrews. Cynical, witty and wise."

The Ballad of Josie (1968) [sic; actually 1967, but I've noticed that a ton of the years given are inaccurate] "Doris Day is about to inadvertently set off a sheepman vs. cattleman war in the old west. For viewers with high tedium thresholds."

Bamboo Saucer (1967) "Something has dropped on Red China from outer space and Chairman Mao doesn't have a saying to explain the event. Neither does the film. A foreign-made quickie to snooze by."

Bengal Brigade (1954) "Backed by stock footage of the frontier in Northern India, Rock Hudson and other English types fight off the fanatical nationalists bent on overthrowing colonial rule. Root for the fanatics. [With] the beautiful Arlene Dahl."

The Big Circus (1959) "Victor Mature is a tough circus boss (are there any other kind?) in this three-ring pastiche borrowed from Cecil B. DeMille. For indiscriminate kids of all ages. Peter Lorre plays a fat clown. Red Buttons, Vincent Price and the pretty Rhonda Fleming."

The Bounty Killer (1965) "An easterner comes West and becomes a savage bounty hunter. A bad flick, but check those supporting players: Richard Arlen, Buster Crabbe, Johnny Mack Brown, Bob Steele, Fuzzy Knight and Bronco Billy Anderson (you read right)."

Bunny Lake is Missing (1965) "The question is, does Carol Lynley have a missing daughter or doesn't she? Laurence Olivier tries to figure it out. Keir Dullea helps at times. Meanwhile, Noel Coward steals the picture, which is not saying much."

Carry on Cruising (1966) "More carryings-on, this time on a cruise ship. Mindless slapstick with regional English dialects."

The Colossus of New York (1958) "A scientist's brain is transplanted into a 9-foot mechanical contrivance that begins stomping persons and other living things. And you thought you had troubles."

Five Graves to Cairo (1942) "An early Billy Wilder effort set in a desert hotel run by Akim Tamiroff, to which comes a British soldier in mufti and Field Marshall Rommel in full uniform. Very nicely done, especially when [Erich] Von Stroheim is on camera. Stay with it."

Gimme Shelter (1970) "An oddly devastating film that follows the Rolling Stones during an American concert tour that culminates with an on-camera murder at the Altamont Rock Festival. It tells more than anyone could care to know about Mick Jagger, the Rolling Stones, rock mania, groupies, mass hysteria and the Hell's Angels as peace officers. Basically it has the fascination of a particularly messy head-on automobile collision."

God's Little Acre (1958) "A salty screen version of the Erskine Caldwell novel that does not quite capture the earthy humor and lust of the book, despite a nice job as Ty Ty Walden by Robert Ryan. If you haven't heard, it's about a Georgia dirt farmer with a gold-digging obsession and some sexually precocious offspring. Try it, if only for old time's sake. Aldo Ray, Tina Louise, Fay Spain, Buddy Hackett, Jack Warden and Michael Landon doing an albino turn."

Godzilla (1956) "Japanese answer to King Kong with Raymond Burr spliced in for audiences this side of the Pacific. Neither Burr nor the monster is terribly convincing, to say nothing of the dubbing. Laugh along with Fuiuki Shinkichi and the entire population of Tokyo."

A Hard Day's Night (1964) "The first Beatles film and a winner. Under Richard Lester's direction, the four Liverpoolians [sic] romp and sing through a frenzied farce that nobody had done successfully since the Marx Brothers had retired. Wilfred Brambell as grandpa is just marvelous. It's all marvelous."

Horror Island (1941) "On an island off the coast there is believed to be some buried treasure. There is very definitely a murderer there. The search and the murders are on. Yawn."

Kid Millions (1934) "A wild and still entertaining mad Sam Goldwyn production that has Eddie Cantor inheriting $77 million and a host of Goldwyn girls, including Lucille Ball. Plus, one sequence shot in early Technicolor."

The Lucky Texan (double feature with The Man from Utah, both 1934) "Two lone-star quickies that kept John Wayne off the welfare rolls during the Depression."

Machine Gun Kelly (1958) "Another in the cheapy, quickie school of great gangsters we have known. Charles Bronson will blast his way into your heart and other vital organs. Anyway, it's loud."

Mean Streets (1973) [with Gary Viskupic illustration--and an awfully literal one at that!]


The Mummy's Curse (1945) "Peter Coe minds Lon Chaney Jr. this time out, but the fun is beginning to wear thin."

My Favorite Brunette (1947) "Another Bob Hope bit of madness, once again involving Dorothy Lamour. The story doesn't make any sense, but that's the point. Peter Lorre, Lon Chaney."

Once You Kiss a Stranger (1970) "Somebody obviously thought they had another 'Strangers on a Train' in this one about a psychotic girl with quid-pro-quo murder in mind. Were they ever wrong."

Return of Jesse James (1951) "Actually, it's not Jesse at all, but a small-time gunman cashing in and out because he looks like Jesse. It's been done better."

The Roots of Heaven (1958) "A sometimes light, sometimes heavy look at a certified elephant freak (Trevor Howard) at war with ivory hunters. Throw in a couple of nice performances by Errol Flynn and Eddie Albert and a delicious bit by Orson Welles and you've got a long John Huston mixed bag that is more good than bad."

San Antonio (1945) "The Warner Brothers 'A' team in what passed for a classy western in those days. Interesting, but Errol Flynn is no Sunset Carson."

Yeah, take that, Errol!

Some Kind of Nut (1969) "An unbelievably contrived thing that hangs on Dick Van Dyke's new beard and the establishment reaction thereto. Blame it on Garson Kanin and forget it."

The Sound of Horror (1965) "They unearth some stone eggs which hatch into invisible creatures. Unfortunately, you can hear them. Dubbed."

Star (1968) "This time Gertrude Lawrence takes a beating as the nominal character in this London-chorus-to-Broadway-stage success story. Julie Andrews is winning and winsome, but is she Gertrude Lawrence? No matter, it's not that interesting, anyway."

The St. Valentine's Day Massacre (1967) "Roger Corman lovingly lays out the infamous Chicago incident wherein Al Capone almost succeeds in showing Bugs Moran who is boss of the bosses. Nice feel for the 1920's but exploitive and unnecessarily gory. Jason Robards is crazy enough, but not fat enough as Big Al."

Suez (1938) "Supposedly the story of Ferdinand de Lesseps (Tyrone Power), who built the Suez Canal, but Ferdy seems to have more of a problem choosing between classy Loretta Young and earthy Annabella. At least that's the way Darryl Zanuck saw it. Still, the production and acting are first rate. With a little effort it could have been a great one."

Surprise Package (1960) "That would be Mitzi Gaynor, who is sent to her deported mobster boyfriend (Yul Brynner) by the boys. Throw in a royal robbery and some Art Buchwald one-liners and watch it lay there."

Toklat (1972) "A forerunner of the wilderness school of bucolic relationships and animal noises. This one's about an old sheepherder and a cute bear cub. Nice Utah scenery."

Up in Smoke (1957) "The title says it all. The Bowery Boys weren't even trying in this satanic look at horse racing."

The Verdict (1946) "A locked room, the almost-perfect crime and an eyeball-rolling Sydney Greenstreet make this almost interesting. And watch Peter Lorre get as close to playing a romantic lead as he ever did."

The Wind and the Lion (1975) "Love, Moroccan desert hordes, an international incident and a dash of history in a John Milius movie like they used to make, but don't hardly anymore. Big, glossy and rousing. With Sean Connery, Candice Bergen, John Huston and Brian Keith as a feisty Teddy Roosevelt."