Sunday, October 30, 2005

We Are Going to Eat You!

In 1984 or '85, I filmed a zombie epic called "We Are Going to Eat You," the title taken from the poster tagline for Lucio Fulci's "Zombie." I filmed it with the assistance of Mike O., my brother Charlie, his friend Kevin, and two other friends that I had earlier attended St. Pius X with, Chris I____ and Linda R_____. We filmed at the Old Bethpage golf course on Round Swamp Road. This first pic is of me chowing down on Linda's guts, which were pig intestines doused in bingo ink. Please note that, while paying minute attention to my makeup, which can barely be seen, I had forgotten to muss up my hair, which is immediately noticed as neatly combed. Also noticeable was the stain of the ink on my face for a week or so afterward.

People who have seen the film are impressed (that is, revolted) by this scene. Something about the way Linda's lifeless body jerks as I tear her innards out. Good clean fun.
October 2016 UPDATE! Here's the whole movie, uploaded to YouTube years ago by Mike O. Better late than never!
Here Chris valiantly fights off the zombie with a stick, which was supposed to puncture the Ziploc baggie of blood in my pocket. It didn't, which led to the improvised ending...
...wherein I simply squeeze the bag of blood, the idea being to have blood ooze gruesomely through my fingers. Instead, it gushed out in a comical squirt, which was actually still pretty cool. And still not a hair out of place.

Friday, October 28, 2005

Bon Voyage, Captain Fork.

Or "Capt. Fork," as he was invariably abbreviated. He was really Craig "Chris" Dexter Calame, or "C.M. Calam" when credited as a writer, but you could just call him Mugsy. That was the name he went by as a performer on "The Uncle Floyd Show," a mainstay of my television viewing in the late 70's and early 80's. I know nothing about him, except that he seemed like he could be one of my older brothers' cool friends, and he never failed to make me laugh. He was not an actor or a comedian, but certainly an entertainer. It may have been something as simple as dangling an enormous balloon from a stick and string, repeatedly bouncing it off Floyd Vivino's porkpie hat until Floyd blew a gasket. It may have been his puppeteering, somehow sparking the dour, stiff Hugo Man of a Thousand Faces into a happy-go-lucky chorus boy. Even if a Bob Dilly bit ran several verses too long, it was still fun to watch. It was like watching a friend, and you tend to be more charitable with friends. Besides, who knows how to make you laugh better than your friends? But that was the Uncle Floyd Show for you, and maybe you had to be there. Anyway, so long, Mugsy! Walkin' out! (Oh wait, that was Artie Delmar...)
Neil Yuck.
Mike Malice of "Biography."
Bad News Todd. (Who shares more than a passing resemblance to Bobby Jon of "Survivor.")
Screwing around behind the scenes.
Pot Roast.

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Have a Dynamite Halloween!

Some images from the September 1975 issue of Dynamite Magazine, as well as the Dynamite Catalog of Year-round Hot Stuff. First, enjoy a puzzle from the perverse prince of peccant puns, Count Morbida himself!
Here are some spaced-out costume suggestions from the same Dynamite. They could have saved some space there by simply writing, "Find stuff around your house and glue it to your face." I mean, Honeycombs? Please.
Oh, this poor kid. Only one month into the new school year and doomed to daily beatings until it's over.
And while we're still feeling Dynamite, here are some classic Bummers for you!


Monday, October 24, 2005

Ad from New York Daily News, 10/18/79

Yet another KISS item for Halloween.

I was the Collegeville Frankenstein in second grade, seen here above the microcephalic Gene Simmons. Of course, at the time I was simply Frankenstein, but I had always assumed it was a Ben Cooper Frankenstein. Since I discovered this ad, I just enjoy calling it the Collegeville Frankenstein. I'm a man of simple(-minded) pleasures.
...and here's the bottom half of the ad, with the KISS make-up kit. I guess Gene was a marketing whore all along. Ah, remember the days when you could get a good hobo cigar for 38 cents?

Me, as the Collegeville Frankenstein

I was dragged out of my class and forced to have this pic taken in another grade's classroom...

My mother made the scarecrow, hence I was granted the dubious honor of posing with it. You can see my embarrassment in my feet, curdled into a strange, abashed rictus . Evidently, no combs were available.

Saturday, October 22, 2005

Saturday Morning!

I'll have to check what year this is from, but I'm sure someone out there can tell me...

Yes, I'm just chucking whatever crap I find in "my pictures" up onto my blog. What the hell else can I do with it? Write about my life? Where's the fun in that? Do you want to see my wedding pictures? I didn't think so. (Although there were some far-out space nuts at the reception, once the peach Jell-o shots kicked in...)

"Alice Cooper's Wildest Dreams..."

...apparently involve a cowering Vincent Price.

Friday, October 21, 2005

Two Halloween specials that featured KISS. I was not a fan. I did watch the TV movie, but for Anthony Zerbe. Posted by Picasa

Outrageous Paul Lynde finally learns to love... Halloween!

Sorry for the poor quality. Blog, that is. Posted by Picasa

Dark Night of the Scarecrow

I liked this one a lot as a kid. Posted by Picasa

It seemed pretty suspenseful at the time, but doesn't really lend itself to multiple viewings. I believe this was the first outing for Larry Drake's patented simpering half-wit. At least he got to gorily dispatch all the bullies in this one, whereas on L.A. Law, Benny could only quietly daydream of lacing Douglas Brackman's coffee with Drano.

It's the Great Blumpkin, Charlie Brown

From a 1976 TV Guide. Posted by Picasa

I saw this again a few years back, and I don't think it really held up. The Thanksgiving one was pretty bad too. I dare say the Christmas one is the only genuinely entertaining Charlie Brown special. Yes, I dare say that to you!

Sunday, October 16, 2005

Happy Birthday, David K_____.

I had a dream the other night which featured a brief appearance by fellow St. Pius X alumnus David K_____. I didn't recognize him, but I knew it was him, grown now, somehow still as old as me. He was always very small--through eighth grade, anyway, when I last saw him.

I have a scar on the back of my right hand from his overbite. He didn't bite me. I simply edged in too close while Bob H_______ (the tallest boy in class) was swinging Dave around by his ankles. Bob also stepped on David's head once. It was an accident, and an occasion of great mirth to almost everyone.

We were classmates from the first grade, 1975, on. That year (or maybe later), another friend, Chris I_____, began collecting tiny pencils. Whatever pencils he found lying around the classroom, Chris would grind them down to virtually useless stubs and put them in a plastic bag, the black, smudgy points poking through like the beaks of captured crows. David got it in his head to collect erasers, and so spent an entire snack time chewing on Chris' collection (200 or so!) to facilitate his own. I don't know what he kept them in, or what they resembled in it.

We played together on a little league team. I recall very little little leaguing, and much standing around on or in the vicinity of a baseball diamond, looking in random directions or chanting taunts at opponents and teammates alike. We shared a love of "monster weeks" on the WABC 4:30 Movie, as well as "Planet of the Apes" and its ever-more-contrived string of sequels. I'd go over to his house in the afternoon every now and then. We'd play Shogun Warriors, shooting fists at Star Wars figures. His older brother Paul showed me that the thumb should always go on the outside of your fist. Apparently, even with the great Mazinger as a role model, I still got that backwards.

Anyway, I always remembered that his birthday was October 16th. Happy Birthday, David. You sure left your mark on me. I'm looking at it right now.

Saturday, October 15, 2005

Here I am. Don't expect too many updates.

How dare you people drag me into the 21st century. My friends' delightful blogs convinced me to set up one of my own. But get this straight, I will not expound on anything that has occurred in the last 25 years, I promise you that! (Unless Bushie-Bush and his creepy cronies do something to really get my skin crawling, and, well, yes, that is a near-daily affliction.) In any case, in keeping with my tragic childhood nostalgia fixation, here is a pic of something. I don't know what it is yet; I will choose it when I see it:

Hmm. I've tried to upload pics four times now, and nothing has happened (as far as I can tell). Ah, more needless frustration in my life. Fuck. Thanks for having me. It's a real treat.